Marathon Runner Revived By Pink Whitney Nip
Campus CultureHolidaysStudent Life April 21, 2025 The New England Classic
HEARTBREAK HILL – After months of training and relentless Strava posts, Boston Marathon runners are finally gearing up to run for four hours without collapsing or shitting their pants. But the marathon runners aren’t the only ones who’ve been training for this day…
Boston College students have been preparing for this all year, as the singular darty day of the school year. They’ve been drinking at football games, Red Sox games, and Club Club Lax practices to prepare for the culmination of their day-drinking ventures at MarMon. Students are equipped with neon Amazon workout sets, funky sunglasses, and nicotine products from Richdale’s.
As runners reach Mile 21 of the race, students stumble to the sidewalks to watch, post hours of wandering around off-campus houses, watching Saweetie “Tap In,” and getting their borgs confiscated by a BCPD officer with a thick Boston accent, “What happened to beeh?”
After about 10 minutes of harassing runners; asking them to “shotgun with the 8-man” and yelling, “Make that hill your bitch!”, one runner, Justin Doit, collapsed after tripping on a can of Bud Light one student threw at his friend on the Club Running team. With a look of desperation in his eyes, Justin turns to the group of girls by the railing, asking them if they have any water.
“Babes, I only got Pink Whit,” says Brittney Barstoll (LSEHD ‘27), lowering her Y2K star sunglasses and pulling a Pink Whitney shooter out of her hot pink sports bra. Justin looks around for a professional, only to find the EMTs surrounding a young man in a backwards basketball jersey with no thoughts behind his eyes. “I mean…I guess I’ll take it.”
“Yassssss, take a nip with the girls!!!!” Brittney and the five members of her Walsh 8-man who are still civil gather around Justin to say cheers and take the shooter. Shockingly, that interaction and a shot of Pink Whitney was enough to make Justin get up to run away from Boston College. Some may call it alcoholism, The Classic calls it teamwork. 
