Underground Frat Charged With Distribution To Miners
Student Life October 4, 2017
STRATHMORE ROAD — Boston College officials issued a citation to the campus’s notorious “underground” fraternity on Saturday following the shocking discovery that they had been providing alcohol to miners. According to an official statement from BCPD, officers became suspicious when they noticed a group of individuals dressed in salmon shorts walking... Read more
“Achoo!” Reports Entire Student Body
FeaturedStudent Life October 3, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — The first fall of crumpled tissues blankets the campus. Droplets of influenza and ragweed are a-floatin’ through the crisp winter air. It’s sneezy season here on the Heights and the noses be drippin’! “Sorry, I’ve had, like, a really bad cough lately,” your red-eyed, inexplicably leaking roommate... Read more
Ivy League Who? We Ranked The Top Colleges In America And Put BC First!
ListsStudent Life September 27, 2017
College ranking lists come out every fall, so it’s the perfect time to scroll through your Facebook and think “weird brag, dude” when some guy you went to high school with shares that his school is now “Ranked #35 in small-to-medium-sized sub-Saharan African zoology programs in the lower Midwest!”... Read more
Dog Walked On BC Campus Develops Quite The Ego
Student Life September 25, 2017
“It’s sad, really, that he’s letting it go to his head. Fame is a fickle friend indeed.”
Read more
Off-Campus Basement Requires Alarmingly Few Changes To Become Murder Dungeon
Student Life September 24, 2017
FOSTER STREET — In the midst of a Saturday night shindig, party-goers at 269 Foster St. noted that the house’s poorly lit basement into which they had gathered required alarmingly few modifications to be turned into a subterranean dungeon in which to induce human suffering. Noting the cellar’s low ceilings, warped... Read more
UGBC Advances Legislation to Re-Name Stokes Bridge “The BC Taint”
Student Life September 21, 2017
GASSON 201 — In an unprecedented outpouring of student support, the UGBC general assembly reportedly passed a bill on Wednesday which would officially change the title of the bridge between Stokes North and South to “The BC Taint.” The Bridge, which had been advertised by the school as... Read more
Embarrassing: This Freshman Said “Have A Good Day Professor” To His Mom
FreshmenStudent Life September 20, 2017
CLAVER HALL — In a recent phone call home, freshman Dave McDoug (LSOE ‘21) reportedly bid farewell to his mother by saying “Have a good day, professor.” “God, I’m so embarrassed!” McDoug said in an interview. “I accidentally referred to the woman whose womb I once called home as... Read more
It’s Suit Time!
Student Life September 13, 2017
It is the time when all the suits come out to play! Hark, my children! Grab your neckties and button your cuffs, for it is suit time. Yessir, we’ve waited many a fortnight but it has finally come: the time when all the suits come out to frolic on... Read more
Roommate Concerningly Unphased By Mysterious Beige Spot On Mattress
Student Life September 11, 2017
90 ST. THOMAS MORE ROAD — Over the last week, disturbing reports have circulated around Lower Campus suggesting that Mark Connors (CSOM ‘20) doesn’t seem to mind the odd beige stain on his standard-issue Boston College mattress. Ear-witness accounts confirm that, yesterday, Mark called the mystery stain, “not that... Read more
Wise RA To Freshman: “I remember when I was your age”
FreshmenStudent Life September 5, 2017
CLAVER HALL — Sophomore Resident Assistant Jessica Bryant (MCAS ’20) imparted some invaluable nuggets of wisdom to freshman Sierra Mortensen (LSOE ’21), one of her residents on Claver 3, Tuesday afternoon. With a full nine months of college under her belt, Bryant found herself reminiscing about the “good ol’... Read more