UGBC Advances Legislation to Re-Name Stokes Bridge “The BC Taint”
GASSON 201 — In an unprecedented outpouring of student support, the UGBC general assembly reportedly passed a bill on Wednesday which would officially change the title of the bridge between Stokes North and South to “The BC Taint.”
The Bridge, which had been advertised by the school as a serene and convenient study space for freshmen not cool enough to sit in the Chocolate Bar, has been the subject of controversy ever since the possibility of a name-change was raised at UGBC’s opening assembly in early September.
According to sources inside the organization, The Bridge currently represents “A weird middle-ground between the really nice classrooms in South that everyone wants to get into and brag to their friends about and the smelly, second-rate classes that you end up taking in North.”
Other considerations reportedly include The Bridge’s prevalence in unsolicited campus photos, and its tendency to shock alumni who haven’t been back to The Heights since the building’s opening in 2012.
Boston College administrators have yet to comment on the passage of the bill, but there is expected to be considerable pushback after last spring, when the Club Croquet Team attempted to re-dedicate Higgins Hall “Dweeb City,” leading to their program to be temporarily shut down by the Board of Directors.
At press time, the bill was being prepared to move into its final stage of composition, and students were gathering outside on the newly-christened Stokes Bush to express their support of the motion.