Lazy Student Slowly Crossing Street Clearly Not Late For Anything
MCELROY COMMONS — After a 7 AM session of sunrise yoga and a few lengthy spins around the Labyrinth, Perspectives major Leonard Stroll (MCAS ’20) was sighted crossing the street in front of Mac at a turtle’s pace, lollygagging about and generally doing what eyewitnesses described as “absolutely nothing.”
“I thought he was napping,” reported Carrie Johnson (LSOE ’19), a sleep-deprived member of a 9 AM calculus class. “You know, standing up in the middle of the road, like horses do. That was the only way to explain why anyone would be moving so slowly during such a busy, godforsaken rush hour. If you don’t have anywhere to go, why don’t you just stay in bed?”
Derek Daly (MCAS ’21), another traffic-obstruction victim, elaborated on the trauma that ensued at the site. “He made me late to Devlin 008 class this morning. I’ve experienced a whole new circle of Hell. I’m not sure if my soul is still in my body, but I know for a fact my dignity isn’t.”
When asked about his motives, Stroll seemed oblivious to the destruction he had wrought. “Wait…dawdling in the middle of a vital intersection at a busy time of day is ‘inconvenient?’ I really had no idea. See, I’ve been practicing mindlessness. It’s like mindfulness, but less productive, healthy, or conventionally useful. Someday I hope to transcend the rat race of our capitalist plane altogether.”
At press time, Stroll was spotted standing directly in front of the water fountain in Lower, staring mindlessly off into space.