SPOOKY: Your Boyfriend is a Little TOO Excited to be Ken
WALSH HALL — Halloweekend is almost here, an exciting weekend filled with binge-drinking, slutty little costumes, and an excuse to post yet another photo dump of you and your eight-man on your Instagram! This is also a great weekend to hard-launch your boyfriend of three days with a couples costume, which is exactly what B. Eared (CSON ‘26) is planning on doing with the love of her life, Klaus Ette (MCAS ‘26).
When deciding on which couples costume to be, Eared was considering going as Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, however, she decided that was, “just a little too basic.” So she decided on being radical and selected the stereotypical version of Barbie and Ken as the winner! Ette was really excited about Eared’s costume choice. “Oh my god I love Ken, I’ve actually always loved Ken he was my-uh-sorry, I meant my sisters’ favorite doll to play with.”
Ette, who is very passionate about the topic of Ken, continued; “I mean come on, Ken has always been pretty cool, just look at the guy! Then he became ten times cooler after Ryan Gosling played him. Everyone knows Ryan Gosling is hot hot. If I were gay, which I am obviously not because I literally have a girlfriend, Gosling would probably be my celebrity crush. No, yeah, he would DEFINITELY be my celebrity crush!”
Eared explained to members of the Classic that her boyfriend was very against the idea of doing a couples costume until Ken was brought up. “He just lit up, it was the happiest and most excited I have ever seen him. I figured it was just because he was excited to wear a fun outfit though.”
At press time, Ette was caught browsing through “Am I Gay?” quizzes and looking up facts about the patriarchy.