SPOOKY: Chocolate Bar To Hire Ghosts as Seasonal Employees
STOKES SOUTH — Due to a recent shortage in staffing, Stokes Hall’s beloved Chocolate Bar has been forced to shut down once again. Luckily for cacao- and caffeine-deprived students, BC Dining has announced a plan to dip into the largely unemployed ghost population present at Boston College.
When asked about this sudden change in employment from living to dead workers, Chocolate Bar manager Billy Wonka cited the lack of space inside the Chocolate Bar area.
“It just gets a little crowded back there,” said Wonka. “I thought we’d all bump into each other less if we had non-corporeal employees. Plus a lot of these old-timers have been haunting this spot for decades now, I thought I might as well put them to work. It’s been great because they only expect to be paid minimum wage from 1950, which is only like 50¢ per hour.”
Curious about where all these spirits were being sourced from, The New England Classic interviewed several of the ‘boo-ristas,’ inquiring about their daily commute. One shade described their commute as a “brisk float from their grave directly through the walls of 2150, Lower Dining Hall, and then a long-ass wait in line for the Maloney elevator.” The same spirit also mentioned enjoying racing the students who walk from Greycliff and 2K apartments.
While the majority of ghost employees reside in the cemetery located conveniently across the street from Lower campus, there are rumored to be several high-profile spirits in employment, including the Ghost of Christmas Past (a seasonal worker), the Holy Spirit, and the Spirits of the Alum Who Drank Coffee Before Us.
At press time, a spectral staffer was seen taking the name of a customer as “Margritt.”