The New England Classic
Addazio Seen In Tears After Being Confused For Man In Mr. Potato Head Costume
YAWKEY ATHLETIC CENTER — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio was reportedly seen crying late Saturday night outside the Yawkey Athletic Center after a mistaken passerby complimented the head coach on his “spot-on Mr. Potato Head costume,” despite the fact he was not wearing one. “I can’t believe... Read more
Spooky! I Don’t Remember What I Said In My Last Snap
For more spooky, bone-chilling satire, look out for our print issue. Coming to a library near you, December 2019! Read more
Spooky! Jake Celebrating Halloween By Ghosting You
UNKNOWN LOCATION — Despite your Snapchat streak, double texts, and dinner dates at Lower over the past month, Jake Miller (CSOM ’21) has reportedly decided to embrace the Halloween spirit this year by ghosting you.  While most celebrate the holiday by carving pumpkins, dressing up, and watching horror movies,... Read more
Spooky! The CAB Hypnotist Converted This Junior To Judaism
O’CONNELL HOUSE — A Campus Activities Board event gained a little more chutzpah Tuesday when hypnotist Chris Jones converted a student to Judaism. Halfway through the show, Jones called Matthew Doyle (CSOM ‘21, BC High ‘17) up to the stage to be hypnotized. According to eyewitness reports, Jones pulled... Read more
Spooky! My Girlfriend Must Be A Vampire Because She Keeps Leaving Bite Marks On My Roommate’s Neck
Halloween has always been a time of year filled with spooks, scares and surprises, but none have ever been quite as startling as this: my girlfriend of two years is a vampire.  I know it sounds strange, but there’s no other explanation. My suspicions started about a month ago... Read more
Are You A Friend Of The Good, A Friend Of Utility, Or That Friend Who Is The Funny One Of The Group But Uses Humor To Mask The Absence Of Real Connection With Your Friends And Who Often Feels Like You Lack A Core Group Of Your Own People?
Thursday’s Globalization Lecture Canceled After Old Tweets Resurface
MCGUINN HALL — Professor Rachel Godwin’s Thursday afternoon Globalization I lecture was canceled early Wednesday morning after damning tweets resurfaced that called into question the professor’s credibility as an authority on historical information. Posted late in August of 2017, the tweets themselves were a diatribe on the necessity of... Read more
OPINION: If My Roommate Doesn’t Stop Coughing I’m Going To Drop Out Of School

Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night. 

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Campus VSCO Girls Successfully Unionize
O’NEILL PLAZA — Seeking a unified representative body and the right to collectively bargain with outside parties, Boston College’s VSCO community announced on Tuesday the successful filing and formation of a union under University oversight. Citing multiple cases of intellectual theft by a number of anonymous Boston College students,... Read more
Addazio Camping Out In Pumpkin Patch To See Great Pumpkin, May Miss NC State Game
SCHULZ FARMS PUMPKIN PATCH — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio missed five consecutive practices this week, and may miss this Saturday’s matchup against NC State, after dedicating the entirety of his schedule to camping out in a nearby pumpkin patch... Read more