The New England Classic
BC Corrects Typo, Announces That Commencement Speaker Is Actually Ambassador To “The Crane”

“The Crane. Is. The. Moment. Have you fucking seen it?” administrator Crain Luver said. “It’s massive. Always doing stuff for the BC community. AND it has an ambassador- that’s epic. We honestly couldn’t have picked a better speaker.”

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CSOM Students Search “What’s Going On In Ukraine Right Now” Following Commencement Speaker Announcement

However, one quick google search informed Owt that Ukraine is in fact not a new peer-to-peer lending platform, but rather a nation state that is being viciously and unjustly invaded by neighboring Russia.

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Pfft… Only 26.2 Miles? This Student Walked Across The Country To Boston College

“It’s a been there, done that situation. If you climbed Mount Everest, would you be dying to show people that you can climb some stairs? Not really.”

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“She’s Literally Bestie,” Says Girl About Rando In 9-Man With Whom She’ll Never Interact

Leanne does not currently know the name of her eighth roommate, and despite being grateful for the addition, is extremely glad that “wifey” is not her direct.

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Reminiscing Alumnus Caught Alone In Alumni Stadium

“Dude, those were the glory days” Unny told the Classic. “I just love coming back to campus and this stadium and being reminded of how I was the literal man in my four epic years here. Plus, I’m an alumni. My name is literally on the building, so I’m gonna reminisce whenever I want, even if that’s every weeknight.”

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Girl Who Donates Plasma Calls OnlyFans A “Disgrace”

While it’s not TikTok or buying clothes made in sweatshops and selling them for a normal price, one girl, Doe Nerr (CSON ‘23), has found quite an interesting way to pay for rent and support herself — one that would for sure put her grandparents in a coma if they found out. “I sell my plasma,” Nerr told The Classic, “Two days a week I go into the clinic and let a nurse suck me of some weird yellow liquid I don’t really think I need. $300 a week!”

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Your Friend Who Puts Herself In Dangerous Situations With Strange Men Is “Totally A Samantha”
CORCORAN COMMONS — Sex icons. When those words are heard, Samantha Jones, the backbone of hit show Sex and The City, often comes to mind. However, one unsuspecting student, Ah Loof (CSOM ‘24) made the mistake of sharing her relationship troubles with her friend who is a Classic writer.... Read more
Wow! This Man Knows Words Like “Interdisciplinary” But Not “Sorry”

Prestigious liberal arts institutions seem to function as a breeding ground for these unfortunate creatures. At these institutions, men learn lots of words, and even remember some of them too! However, they consistently use these words in lieu of the simple 2 syllable option “sorry.”

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5 Places Your Short Ginger Friend May Be Hiding Today

If your little red-headed friend is nowhere to be found at the end of the rainbow, then the Classic has you covered! We’ve listed the top-5 most likely hiding places for your short ginger friend on this grand day. Sláinte!

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Film Bro Adds Chemistry Panopto To His Letterboxd

After a long and strenuous chemistry lecture, hundreds of students fled a packed Devlin 008. While most students were crying over the upcoming test, or scribbling down the last words uttered by the professor, one student, Pret Entious (MCAS ’25) was spotted doing something completely different: rating the lecture on his prized Letterboxd account. 

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