The New England Classic
Addazio Misses Full Week Of Practice After Dedicating Entire Schedule To Making College GameDay Sign
ALUMNI STADIUM — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio missed five consecutive practices this week after dedicating the entirety of his schedule to making a sign for ESPN’s College GameDay. The weekly pre-game show, which has served as a Saturday morning staple for... Read more
Virus Going Around On Campus Really Making Most Of Its College Experience
GASSON HALL — After only spending two weeks on campus, an untreatable virus has officially infected over half of Boston College. Lectures halls everywhere are reportedly filled with the sounds of coughs, sniffles, and sneezes. “At first I was worried I wouldn’t fit in,” stated the virus. “But this... Read more
RUDE: Bus Driver Takes Three-Minute Break Knowing Full Well This Guy’s Class Started 20 Minutes Ago
MAIN GATE —On Tuesday, an Eagle Direct bus driver treated himself to three-minutes of personal privilege, despite being fully aware that a student, waiting to board the bus, Meninges B. Tinglin (MCAS ‘22), was already twenty minutes late to his 10:00 AM macroeconomics lecture. As a result of the... Read more
RA Killed On Duty Gets 2150 Gun Salute
2150 COMMONWEALTH AVE. — Over the weekend Boston College Residential Life honored the death of one of their own with a traditional salute. Cannons were fired off the top of Maloney Hall to honor the martyrdom of Resident Assistant Darryl Stills (LGSOE ‘20). Stills was killed during a typical... Read more
Student “Swamped With Work” Free Enough To Spend Entire Weekend Drunk
STAYER HALL — Matt Harper (CSOM ’20), who recently has been seen on numerous occasions complaining to various friends and acquaintances that he is “absolutely swamped with work this week,” was reportedly free enough to spend the entirety of this past weekend drunk. “Dude, I just have, like, so... Read more
Dropkick Murphys Cover Band Actually The Dropkick Murphys
BOSTON COMMON — Hundreds of Red Sox fans were left astonished yesterday after learning that the Dropkick Murphys cover band at the team’s victory parade was in fact the actual Dropkick Murphys. The band was situated on one of the first duck boats in the parade procession, which passed... Read more
Funny Friend Actually Just Mean
THE RAT — In a surprising move this Thursday, friends of sophomore Mike Hanley collectively agreed that his “hilarious roasts” are really just veiled insults. The epiphany occurred when the friends reminisced about his classic jokes, suddenly realizing they were targeted at each of their insecurities and/or flaws. “Yeah,... Read more
Comm. Ave Bus Flipped As Sox Fans Destroy City They Love
COMMONWEALTH AVE. — On Sunday night, Boston College’s Red Sox fans celebrated the team’s World Series victory against the L.A. Dodgers. As the game came to a close, the boys on the eighth floor of Walsh cooked up the most genius play of the night. “Bros, how wild would... Read more
Spooky! OSI Approves Another A Capella Group
CARNEY HALL — In a controversial decision, the Office of Student Involvement (OSI) approved the formation of another a capella group on campus last Friday. The newly formed group, The Pottertones, will be Boston College’s first Harry Potter-themed singing group. “I was shocked when I realized there wasn’t a... Read more
Spooky! 23 People Murdered At CAB’s Haunted Lawn Event
STOKES LAWN — Nearly two dozen Boston College students appeared to get more than they bargained for last week at the Campus Activities Board (CAB) “Haunted Lawn” event when 23 people were unable to make it out of the lawn alive. Students who survived the experience reportedly found it... Read more