The New England Classic
Coach Addazio Takes 11 Tries To Tie Shoes, Accidentally Kneels For National Anthem
WINSTON SALEM, NORTH CAROLINA — Football fans were outraged this Thursday as head coach of Boston College’s program Steve Addazio appeared to kneel for the National Anthem, joining Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players in silent protest of America’s institutional racism. However, this incident was reportedly not a statement... Read more
Addazio Misses Full Week Of Practice After Rewatching UMass Highlights For Past 120 Hours
ALUMNI STADIUM — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio missed five consecutive practices this week after locking himself in his office and watching the official highlight tape of last Saturday’s Boston College-UMass game – in which BC annihilated its opponent 55-21... Read more
Addazio Sends Himself Flowers, Chocolates For Valentine’s Day
ALUMNI STADIUM — While overseeing football practice today, head coach Steve Addazio received a special delivery of a dozen red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Although Addazio claimed the treats “must be from a secret admirer,” members of the team are certain that their coach purchased them... Read more
Addazio To Miss Fenway Game Due To Fear Of Green Monster
FENWAY PARK — Stating that they always knew this was a possibility, sources within BC Athletics report that head coach Steve Addazio is expected to miss this weekend’s football game against UConn due to his immense phobia of the “Green Monster.” While ardent Boston sports fans may know that the Green... Read more
Addazio Gets Night Job As Six Flags Fright Fest Ghoul, Forgets About FSU Game
AGAWAM, MA — Citing scheduling conflicts, Boston College football head coach Steve Addazio announced that he will not be present at tonight’s game against Florida State University. Addazio admitted he “made a boo-boo” and forgot there was a game this weekend, but excitedly revealed that he has been hired... Read more
Addazio Lost In Corn Maze, May Miss VTech Game
DANVERS, MA — As the Boston College football team enters its fourth hour of advanced search and rescue procedures at the Connor’s Farm corn maze, head coach Steve Addazio has all but been presumed permanently lost, and is expected to miss the upcoming night game against Virginia Tech. While... Read more
Addazio Boards Comm Ave Bus Instead Of Team Bus To South Carolina, Will Miss Clemson Game
CONTE FORUM BUS STOP — With Saturday’s game against Clemson rapidly approaching, it looks as though the nationally unranked Boston College Eagles will be left coachless once more, following another bald-headed blunder from Head Honcho Steve “Scuba Steve” Addazio. Coach Addazio reported to Conte Forum at roughly 11:30 PM... Read more
Abroad In Berlin, Addazio To Miss Wake Forest Game
BERLIN — Football head coach Steve Addazio will be missing Saturday’s game after a controversial last-minute decision to study abroad in his fifth year on the Heights. According to The Classic’s international correspondents, the full-figured adventurer has been spotted taking pictures in front of the Berlin Wall and planning... Read more
Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
Sir Steve Addazio’s Army on Eight-War Losing Streak
ALUMNI CASTLE — The maroon and gold-striped white flag has finally been raised; Sir Steve Addazio’s four-year war against the Kingdom of Forrest’s Wake is over at long last. This marks Sir Steve’s eighth straight military loss in the past three decades (not including his many victories against non-European... Read more