The New England Classic
Sir Steve Addazio’s Army on Eight-War Losing Streak
ALUMNI CASTLE — The maroon and gold-striped white flag has finally been raised; Sir Steve Addazio’s four-year war against the Kingdom of Forrest’s Wake is over at long last. This marks Sir Steve’s eighth straight military loss in the past three decades (not including his many victories against non-European... Read more
Worse Than Being Fired: Addazio Family Forced To Celebrate Christmas In Detroit

“I’m hoping the team can get together and do some tackling drills in an abandonded automobile factory. What’s better than dudes being dudes, crushing each others skulls among the ruins of American industry?”

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Addazio Trampled While Black Friday Shopping At Bed Bath & Beyond
CHESTNUT HILL MALL — Tragedy struck in the wee hours of Friday morning, as Boston College Head Coach Steve Addazio has been taken to the hospital after being trampled at a local Bed Bath & Beyond in a fit of Black Friday-induced violence. Addazio had been camping outside the... Read more
Addazio To Skip Road Game This Weekend In Order To Complete TMNT Group Halloween Costume
PARTY CITY — In a surprising yet completely predictable move, Boston College Head Football Coach Steve Addazio will not be traveling down south with his team to face off against NC State on Saturday. Instead, he has announced that he must remain in the Boston area for Halloween weekend,... Read more
Addazio Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting Four Tide Pods, Will Miss Syracuse Game
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — At 11:36pm on Thursday evening, Boston College EMS received an emergency call notifying them of an unconscious man on the floor of the Walsh laundry room. Upon their arrival to the laundry room, the volunteer EMTs quickly identified the man as Steve Addazio, head... Read more
Addazio To Miss Tonight’s Game Against Clemson After Buying Jersey Boys Tickets “Like Months Ago”
BOSTON OPERA HOUSE — It appears as if the Eagles Football team will be flying without the head of their flock for Friday’s big game against Clemson. Amidst the already daunting task of going up against the #3-ranked team and Heisman hopeful Deshaun Watson, head coach Steve Addazio held a last-minute... Read more
With Wagner Game Tomorrow, Addazio Looking To Relive Glory Days As High School Bully
STATEN ISLAND, NY — As Boston College’s first home approaches tomorrow afternoon, no one is more eager for kickoff than the Eagles’ head coach Steve Addazio, Farmington High’s premiere bully from 1973-1977. After suffering what can only be described as a total embarrassment last week in a 49-0 loss to Virginia... Read more
Addazio Will Coach In Ireland Via Skype After Forgetting To Renew Passport
DUBLIN, IRELAND — After a record-breaking 0-8 record in the ACC last season, Boston College’s football team appears to be getting off to another rough start before even touching the field. Head coach Steve Addazio, somehow ignoring months of reminders from Brad Bates and the rest of the athletic department... Read more
Addazio Successful In New Start as Marching Band Director
CHESTNUT HILL, MA – Though the Eagles lost on the football field today, new marching band director Steve Addazio is reportedly quite pleased with the band’s performance. Says Addazio, “I know we came out a little flat in the first half, but eventually we were able to regroup and... Read more