Addazio Lost In Corn Maze, May Miss VTech Game
DANVERS, MA — As the Boston College football team enters its fourth hour of advanced search and rescue procedures at the Connor’s Farm corn maze, head coach Steve Addazio has all but been presumed permanently lost, and is expected to miss the upcoming night game against Virginia Tech.
While the team’s annual farm trip began with high spirits, the day quickly took a turn for the worse after the coach reportedly screamed “Run it up the middle, boys!” and sprinted headlong into the labyrinth of corn.
“I thought the day was going really well,” explained one player who requested to remain anonymous. “I had just come second in our pumpkin carving contest when I heard the bad news.”
At approximately 1:08 PM the search party discovered the coach’s headset with scuff marks, suggesting that it had been dashed on the ground in frustration. However, BC Athletics has since confirmed that the trail has gone cold. Farm officials told reporters that while this is not the first time Addazio has gotten lost in their corn maze, this year’s incident is already lasting more than twice as long as any previous disappearance.
Many assistant coaches are concerned that if not found soon, Addazio may starve to death since “he really doesn’t like corn.” Players have been asked to spread apples and candy corn around the maze for nourishment, but most members of the team seem reluctant to give up their seasonal treats.
At press time, the team was in the middle of a heated debate over whether they should keep searching or go play on the hay bales before the farm closes for the day.