Addazio Gets Night Job As Six Flags Fright Fest Ghoul, Forgets About FSU Game
AGAWAM, MA — Citing scheduling conflicts, Boston College football head coach Steve Addazio announced that he will not be present at tonight’s game against Florida State University.
Addazio admitted he “made a boo-boo” and forgot there was a game this weekend, but excitedly revealed that he has been hired as a part-time Fright Fest ghoul at Six Flags New England.
“I probably shouldn’t have accepted the job, since I already have one and stuff,” explained Addazio, “but gosh, when that cloud of smoke vaguely resembling a human skull came out of my fireplace and whispered, ‘Would you like to be a ghoul?’ I just couldn’t say no!”
Addazio divulged that the mysterious smoke skull did not offer much information on what the job entails, but that he’s “always wanted to chase children around a theme park until they cry” so he couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
“Plus, the smoke thing kind of jumped inside my body from the fireplace, and I think it’s still there, so who knows if any decisions I’m making right now are my own! Haha!” continued Addazio before vomiting a gallon of green slime on his khaki pants.
Six Flags officials have stated that they have no record of hiring any Steve Addazio, and that their employees must go through rigorous background checks before being offered a job, so they “absolutely do not recruit from homeowners’ fireplaces.”
At press time, spectators reportedly saw a ghouled-up Addazio exiting the Boston College campus by melting and oozing down a storm drain. Spooky!