Addazio Will Coach In Ireland Via Skype After Forgetting To Renew Passport
DUBLIN, IRELAND — After a record-breaking 0-8 record in the ACC last season, Boston College’s football team appears to be getting off to another rough start before even touching the field. Head coach Steve Addazio, somehow ignoring months of reminders from Brad Bates and the rest of the athletic department to renew his passport, will not be able to travel with the team to Ireland for their game against Georgia Tech.
Instead, he linked up with some “techy guys who owe him a favor after that one incident in a Buddhist temple in Tibet around 1972” to set up a Skype account and create the #DudeBot4000, a state-of-the-art robotic replication of himself. (Bates reported that the #DudeBot4000 will be polished to a pristine shine on its head to recreate Addazio’s on field presence.)
When pressed by reporters on how he could commit such a seemingly clueless error, Addazio stated that he’s been incredibly busy spending all the time that he’s not coaching creating motivational posters for his players and placing them around the locker room. “My favorite one so far is one with an Eagle flying over a mountain with all my players’ faces on it, and the bottom text reads, ‘New year, new us.’ Cute, huh? The Photoshopping takes a while, but it’s worth it.”
At press time, Addazio had just been spotted at Reservoir Wine and Spirits stocking up on Guinness to “get the creative juices flowing” for coaching one of the best defenses in the country and “just in case things don’t go too well overseas.”