Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football team before the fall season, there are multiple reports suggesting that this year’s Spring Game crowd should be prepared to see Head Coach Steve Addazio take the field sporting a highly unconventional uniform.
A visibly sweaty Steve Addazio has been spotted on the sidelines at all of this week’s spring practices, wearing what appears to be a 30-year-old Easter Bunny costume. Rumors suggest that the full-size rabbit outfit is in fact part of an ancient Addazio family tradition, dating back to the fabled “Before Mustache” era. Each year, Papa Addazio and his extended family gather on a secluded ranch in the backwoods of Connecticut for a weekend of fantastical Easter festivities.
This family celebration culminates in an elaborate Easter egg hunt, in which Addazio dons an Easter Bunny costume and hides a total of 70 eggs throughout the property. The pastel-painted patriarch then vows not to remove his costume until every last egg is found, a feat which is typically accomplished by the ravenous children of the Addazio family in only a handful of hours.
Troublingly, the final egg is still missing this year, nearly an entire week since the start of the great hunt. None of Addazio’s ten nieces and nephews, nor his two adult children, seem to be seriously committed to freeing the football coach from his fluffy prison. When asked what makes the 2017 egg hunt different, the older children cited the fact that “it’s fucking lame,” whereas the younger ones support keeping the retrieved egg total at 69 in perpetuity for sheer comedic effect.
Luckily, none of this has deterred Addazio from continuing the tradition, and this hardship has actually strengthened his resolve to keep the costume on throughout the duration of the football game. “You can’t just trample the spirit of Easter family traditions” Addazio explained with an adorable shake of his cotton ball tail. “If my own family won’t respect me, how am I supposed to win the trust of my players, coaching staff, and new athletic director? Besides, I’m comfortable with my masculinity—thanks to the mustache of course —and I don’t believe the uniform compromises my coaching ability in any meaningful way. Now, where’s that assistant with my damn carrots?”
At press time, the so-called “‘Daz-ter Bunny” costume was beginning to reek of cheap cologne, steak juice, and Cuban cigars.