The New England Classic
Addazio Gets Night Job As Six Flags Fright Fest Ghoul, Forgets About FSU Game
AGAWAM, MA — Citing scheduling conflicts, Boston College football head coach Steve Addazio announced that he will not be present at tonight’s game against Florida State University. Addazio admitted he “made a boo-boo” and forgot there was a game this weekend, but excitedly revealed that he has been hired... Read more
Addazio Lost In Corn Maze, May Miss VTech Game
DANVERS, MA — As the Boston College football team enters its fourth hour of advanced search and rescue procedures at the Connor’s Farm corn maze, head coach Steve Addazio has all but been presumed permanently lost, and is expected to miss the upcoming night game against Virginia Tech. While... Read more
Addazio Boards Comm Ave Bus Instead Of Team Bus To South Carolina, Will Miss Clemson Game
CONTE FORUM BUS STOP — With Saturday’s game against Clemson rapidly approaching, it looks as though the nationally unranked Boston College Eagles will be left coachless once more, following another bald-headed blunder from Head Honcho Steve “Scuba Steve” Addazio. Coach Addazio reported to Conte Forum at roughly 11:30 PM... Read more
Abroad In Berlin, Addazio To Miss Wake Forest Game
BERLIN — Football head coach Steve Addazio will be missing Saturday’s game after a controversial last-minute decision to study abroad in his fifth year on the Heights. According to The Classic’s international correspondents, the full-figured adventurer has been spotted taking pictures in front of the Berlin Wall and planning... Read more
Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
Sir Steve Addazio’s Army on Eight-War Losing Streak
ALUMNI CASTLE — The maroon and gold-striped white flag has finally been raised; Sir Steve Addazio’s four-year war against the Kingdom of Forrest’s Wake is over at long last. This marks Sir Steve’s eighth straight military loss in the past three decades (not including his many victories against non-European... Read more
Worse Than Being Fired: Addazio Family Forced To Celebrate Christmas In Detroit

“I’m hoping the team can get together and do some tackling drills in an abandonded automobile factory. What’s better than dudes being dudes, crushing each others skulls among the ruins of American industry?”

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Addazio Trampled While Black Friday Shopping At Bed Bath & Beyond
CHESTNUT HILL MALL — Tragedy struck in the wee hours of Friday morning, as Boston College Head Coach Steve Addazio has been taken to the hospital after being trampled at a local Bed Bath & Beyond in a fit of Black Friday-induced violence. Addazio had been camping outside the... Read more
Addazio To Skip Road Game This Weekend In Order To Complete TMNT Group Halloween Costume
PARTY CITY — In a surprising yet completely predictable move, Boston College Head Football Coach Steve Addazio will not be traveling down south with his team to face off against NC State on Saturday. Instead, he has announced that he must remain in the Boston area for Halloween weekend,... Read more
Addazio Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting Four Tide Pods, Will Miss Syracuse Game
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — At 11:36pm on Thursday evening, Boston College EMS received an emergency call notifying them of an unconscious man on the floor of the Walsh laundry room. Upon their arrival to the laundry room, the volunteer EMTs quickly identified the man as Steve Addazio, head... Read more