Alumni Breaking Into Your Mod Says It’s Chill Because He “Lived Here In ’81”

MOD 29A — This weekend, hundreds of Boston College alumni will take a $75 Uber from Southie to visit their old stomping grounds and relive the college experience for just one more day. There is a common misconception among undergraduate students that once you graduate, you just Avengers-poof and die. This, however, couldn’t be further from the truth. BC alumni live rich and fulfilling lives working for McKinsey and going to Capo basement to feel something. 

For former Mod residents, this weekend will be especially exciting as they tailgate with people ten years younger than them and maybe even drink a porter (this weekend might get loco)! However, current modular residents may want to consider keeping their doors locked as past students and now real, health-insurance-paying-adults, attempt to break into their old abodes. 

The Classic spoke to former 29A resident Reilly Unc (CSON ’26) about the Alumni Weekend 2025. “So basically, I come home from the game and find some old guy in my bed taking a nap with my Lola Blanket,” said Unc. She continued, “When I went to confront him, he was like ‘nah, nah it’s chill I lived here in ’81.’” Anyways, I dragged him by his disgusting white beard and kicked him out.” 

Following Unc’s experience and other similar reports, BCPD sent an email to modular residents informing them of suspicious behavior/characteristics that may point to a potential home invader: 

• Alumni men with a white beard with a Band-Aid 
• Alumni who keep talking about how they lost their virginity in your mod 
• Alumni who keep talking about how they lost their virginity in your particular mod bed 
• Alumni who work for the federal government (potential impunity) 
• Alumni who drink more than two locally brewed chocolate pumpkin porters

With these safety tips in mind, those in the mods will be able to have an exceptional game day. Go Eags, and connect with 45+ adults with jobs on LinkedIn!

More Hot Single Sandwiches NEAR YOU:

SAP Releases Fake “Community Map,” Claims Newton Campus Is Part Of The BC Community MUN Roommate Needs You To Be Quiet So That They Can Launch A Missile Wicked Pissah: Roommate Has Strong Stream ResLife Announces New 5-Man Suites In Alignment With Recent Vatican Announcement