Addazio Sends Himself Flowers, Chocolates For Valentine’s Day
ALUMNI STADIUM — While overseeing football practice today, head coach Steve Addazio received a special delivery of a dozen red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Although Addazio claimed the treats “must be from a secret admirer,” members of the team are certain that their coach purchased them for himself.
‘Daz appeared visibly excited as a delivery person handed him a variety box of Lindt truffles and a bouquet of roses.
“Now who in the world could these be from?” he exclaimed loudly while mimicking a puzzled expression. “Was it one of you guys?” he asked as the team gathered around, curious about the commotion.
The practice of sending candy and flowers on Valentine’s Day is usually a romantic gesture reserved for couples, but Addazio seems to think that creating the illusion of having a special someone will make him look really desirable and cool. That is, only if he can convince his players and coworkers that the gift was actually from another person.
“He’s not fooling anyone. We all know he sent it to himself,” lineman Jeffrey Stolger (MCAS ‘19) said. According to other football players who chose to remain anonymous, Coach Addazio has a notoriously fragile ego and a lackluster personal life.
In the past, Addazio has also been seen slipping love notes under his own office door, and once reportedly applied lipstick directly to his cheek to give the appearance of having been kissed.
Apparently this isn’t the first time he has given himself gifts to appear more popular. Around Christmas ‘Daz received candy canes from a mystery person known only as “santa baby,” and on his birthday he was seen leaving Party City with a balloon bouquet. He proceeded to carry it around all day.
At press time, Addazio was spotted accepting an edible arrangements order from a tired-looking delivery person.
“What? For me?” Steve Addazio asked.