Addazio Boards Comm Ave Bus Instead Of Team Bus To South Carolina, Will Miss Clemson Game
CONTE FORUM BUS STOP — With Saturday’s game against Clemson rapidly approaching, it looks as though the nationally unranked Boston College Eagles will be left coachless once more, following another bald-headed blunder from Head Honcho Steve “Scuba Steve” Addazio.
Coach Addazio reported to Conte Forum at roughly 11:30 PM on Thursday night and got on the first bus he saw. Although he quickly realized his mistake—that he had in fact boarded the Commonwealth Avenue shuttle—the coach is too proud to ask for assistance or seek alternative transportation to Death Valley, and has now completed the circuit over 24 times in a row.
The rest of the team showed up to Conte on Friday morning to board the official team bus, as assistant coaches have been sending out email reminders of an 11:30 AM departure time all week.
“Yeah, seems like Addazio has been missing a few games this season,” said an anonymous member of the team. “It’s fine, though. We honestly don’t usually notice until about halftime, and by then we’ve fucked it up enough that it doesn’t really matter. Maybe he’ll learn to read the damn emails next time.”
Luckily, the coach seems to be making the most of his unique situation: he has been spotted sitting all the way in the back of the bus, jamming out to a “Chill Vibes” playlist on what seems to be a Microsoft Zune. Ever the diligent worker, he is also using the bus time to catch up on some of the readings for his Globalization I course.
“If I can’t coach a winning football team, I might as well make sure I do well on the Marco Polo quiz next week,” Addazio blurted out, unsuccessfully attempting to make small talk with the bus driver.
Although Coach Addazio has been enjoying himself, the other commuters have been rather disturbed by his presence.
“This old homeless man keeps shouting ‘Be a Dude!’ to everyone who gets on the bus,” explained off-campus junior Arnold Martinez (MCAS ‘19). “He won’t stop asking me whether this is ‘All Stops’ or ‘Direct,’ and I’m pretty sure he’s been urinating into a red Powerade bottle.”
This transportation mix-up comes at a critical time for Addazio’s players and fellow coaches, who are hoping to bring an end to their two-game losing streak.
We can expect to see Offensive Coordinator Scot Loeffler take the reins on game day, but it is unlikely that the team will find a replacement for Addazio’s moxie and joie de vivre, or his aforementioned “Chill Vibes” locker room playlist.
At press time, a number of students had spotted Addazio finally getting off the bus at the Chiswick Road stop, briskly walking into Yamato’s for the all-you-can-eat lunch special.