Students Mistakenly Tailgate At Duchesne, May Miss Duquesne Game

NEWTON CAMPUS — Freshmen P. Nile Pain (CSOM ‘28) and Steve Addazio Jr. (MCAS ‘28) may miss BC’s home opener against Duquesne on Saturday. A typographical error on a Newton Bus sign reading “Beat Duchesne” made them think the Eagles were playing in their dorm hall.

Dirty Duche resident Jon FanDule (LSEHD ‘28) was unexpectedly greeted by Pain and Addazio Jr. on Saturday morning after his communal bathroom shower.

“The Plan? I rip a steaming pregame shower—no flops, just toe to tile. I’m on floor deuce swiggin’ some Blue Raz Rubinoff as ‘All Night Longer’ blasts on my water-resistant JBL Flip 5” said FanDule. “Not part of the plan… I walk out, bathrobe on, and [Addazio Jr. and Pain] are standing there looking for high fives. They said they were lining up for an ‘Eagle Walk’? Unethical. I usually let my eagles fly.”

“I am not missing Bill O’Brien’s first Eagle Walk,” said Pain. “I need to thank him by fingering his galactically chasmic butthole chin.”

When Pain and Addazio Jr. learned of the mix-up, they were seen sprinting after the “Beat Duchesne” bus.

At press time, Classic investigators could not determine if Upper Campus freshmen were asking each other “Where’s Duquesne?” or “Where’s Duchesne?”

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