Articles | Page 49 of 95 | The New England Classic

Freshman Blissfully Unaware Her Weekends Probably Would Have Looked Like This Anyway

Coronavirus Freshmen October 23, 2020

“If there was no virus going around, me and the girls would be having the craziest weekend of all time.”

Pumpkin Sues BC EMS For Botched Surgery

Campus Culture Spooky Student Life October 22, 2020

GABELLI HALL — Dreams of a blissful thot-umn were thrown into uncertainty when news broke that Doctorina Miami (CSON ‘22), Vice President of Boston College EMS, was being sued for medical malpractice and emotional distress by a pumpkin she carved earlier this week. “I was just trying to be... Read more

Op-Ed: I Am Madly In Love With The Single Weird Tiny Fully Finished Piece of The Schiller Center

Campus Culture Sex October 21, 2020

For weeks, I’d spend my days sitting in its shadow telling it about my day or just admiring its smooth, supple stone and powerful frame. The courageous independence of its existence.

Bapst Library Unveiled As A Spirit Halloween Store Following Renovation

Holidays Spooky October 20, 2020

LINDEN LANE — After months of ongoing construction, scaffolding was finally removed from the façade of the Bapst Library early this week, revealing that the library is now home to a Spirit Halloween store. The store’s arrival marked the official kickoff to Spooky Season for residents on the Heights.... Read more

Fuckboy Would Date You If It Weren’t For “Everything Going on Right Now”

Campus Culture Coronavirus Sex October 19, 2020

“Marley later clarified that he does not believe COVID-19 will impact his ability to hook up with you, just his emotional availability. As Boston College cracked down on the number of guests allowed in each place of residence, Marley felt it was only right to enforce a strict no-sleepover policy at his place starting Saturday. “

Welles Crowther 5K To Be Held Over Wii Fit

Coronavirus Service WTF October 16, 2020

The run’s organizers are also taking aggressive steps to prevent runners from simply shaking the Wiimote up and down. All participants are required to install Proctorio, the test-proctoring software, onto the Wii that they will be using, which will track their movements using the Wii’s sensor bar.

Op-Ed: A Perfectly Normal Day

Campus Culture School October 15, 2020

Happy Thursday, October 15, Boston College! Boy, isn’t today normal? The first thing I did after getting out of bed was brush my teeth with a little Colgate®️ Optic White toothpaste. Then, I took my morning shower and changed into a casual outfit. To finish off my morning routine,... Read more

Market Watch: Why Now Is The Right Time To Abandon The Stock Market And Go All In On Puff Bar Reselling

Uncategorized October 14, 2020

Every year, thousands of freshmen from far and wide flock to the Heights, bringing with them their most essential possessions. They stuff their cars with family photos, shower shoes, mini-fridges, and a really sick Odd Future poster in preparation for their new life in Chestnut Hill. However, there is... Read more

Student Overhears Father Leahy in Confession: “Fuck Them Kids”

Jesuits Leahy October 13, 2020

ST. IGNATIUS — Reports surfaced that the walls in the confessionals are dangerously thin. Current student Jack Barrey (CSOM ’21) said he was waiting in line to confess his sins from two Marathon Mondays ago when he heard something unsettling coming from the confessional. “I sat there in disbelief,... Read more

“Don’t Travel During Columbus Day Weekend” Say Lochhead, Comeau From Helm Of The “Pinta”

Holidays WTF October 12, 2020

“Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead and Director of University Health Services Dr. Douglas Comeau were spotted by a source close to The Classic Early Monday morning, steering a replica version of Christopher Columbus’s Pinto on some sort of homage reenactment in the Caribbean Sea.”