Articles | Page 48 of 94 | The New England Classic

Bapst Library Unveiled As A Spirit Halloween Store Following Renovation

Holidays Spooky October 20, 2020

LINDEN LANE — After months of ongoing construction, scaffolding was finally removed from the façade of the Bapst Library early this week, revealing that the library is now home to a Spirit Halloween store. The store’s arrival marked the official kickoff to Spooky Season for residents on the Heights.... Read more

Fuckboy Would Date You If It Weren’t For “Everything Going on Right Now”

Campus Culture Coronavirus Sex October 19, 2020

“Marley later clarified that he does not believe COVID-19 will impact his ability to hook up with you, just his emotional availability. As Boston College cracked down on the number of guests allowed in each place of residence, Marley felt it was only right to enforce a strict no-sleepover policy at his place starting Saturday. “

Welles Crowther 5K To Be Held Over Wii Fit

Coronavirus Service WTF October 16, 2020

The run’s organizers are also taking aggressive steps to prevent runners from simply shaking the Wiimote up and down. All participants are required to install Proctorio, the test-proctoring software, onto the Wii that they will be using, which will track their movements using the Wii’s sensor bar.

Op-Ed: A Perfectly Normal Day

Campus Culture School October 15, 2020

Happy Thursday, October 15, Boston College! Boy, isn’t today normal? The first thing I did after getting out of bed was brush my teeth with a little Colgate®️ Optic White toothpaste. Then, I took my morning shower and changed into a casual outfit. To finish off my morning routine,... Read more

Market Watch: Why Now Is The Right Time To Abandon The Stock Market And Go All In On Puff Bar Reselling

Uncategorized October 14, 2020

Every year, thousands of freshmen from far and wide flock to the Heights, bringing with them their most essential possessions. They stuff their cars with family photos, shower shoes, mini-fridges, and a really sick Odd Future poster in preparation for their new life in Chestnut Hill. However, there is... Read more

Student Overhears Father Leahy in Confession: “Fuck Them Kids”

Jesuits Leahy October 13, 2020

ST. IGNATIUS — Reports surfaced that the walls in the confessionals are dangerously thin. Current student Jack Barrey (CSOM ’21) said he was waiting in line to confess his sins from two Marathon Mondays ago when he heard something unsettling coming from the confessional. “I sat there in disbelief,... Read more

“Don’t Travel During Columbus Day Weekend” Say Lochhead, Comeau From Helm Of The “Pinta”

Holidays WTF October 12, 2020

“Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead and Director of University Health Services Dr. Douglas Comeau were spotted by a source close to The Classic Early Monday morning, steering a replica version of Christopher Columbus’s Pinto on some sort of homage reenactment in the Caribbean Sea.”

Rats in Walsh Lose Housing For Being in 8-Man Without Mask

Coronavirus Dorm Stuff October 9, 2020

“According to the report, all eight indicted inhabitants of the room were inside, along with ten other guests. Everybody present was described as being a ‘small-to-medium sized rodent with brown fur.’ No member of either party was a BC student, nor were they properly equipped with masks.”

New Perspectives Curriculum Concludes Highest Achievable Good Is The WHOPPER Jr.®️

Campus Culture Freshmen School Sex Student Life October 8, 2020

STOKES NORTH — In a jarring series of events, Professor Kerry Cronin rewrote thirty years of Perspectives curriculum after a revelation came to her in a dream. After her weekly Thursday night ritual of picking up a WHOPPER Jr.®️ and a large order of Burger King’s famous chicken fries... Read more

Hold The Phone: Molly Has A New Bitch

Campus Culture Student Life October 7, 2020

GASSON QUAD — The undergraduate population was buzzing with excitement on Wednesday when campus fixture Molly the Dog was spotted with a much younger black labrador named Maisie. After rumors circulated that Molly was about to take a long trip to a farm upstate, she reached out to The... Read more