The New England Classic
Spooky: It’s Not Me, It’s You

Spooky: It’s Not Me, It’s You

SpookyStudent Life October 29, 2020 The New England Classic

"It’s kind of sad, but I really can’t say that I’m to blame." Spooky: It’s Not Me, It’s You

RUBENSTEIN HALL — Several eyewitnesses reported seeing Al Mundjoy (CSOM ’21) emerging in tears from the room of his now-ex-girlfriend Reese S. Kupps (MCAS ’21) in Rubenstein Hall late Wednesday night. According to roommates familiar with the situation, Kupps ended her two year relationship with Mundjoy face-to-face at her kitchen counter, telling him, “It’s not me, it’s you.”

Mundjoy was reportedly in shock, claiming Kupps completely sprung the news on him. Al’s direct roommate, Herschel E. Barr (MCAS ’21), told the Classic he found the bereft ex-boyfriend on his bed crying into his pillow, muffeldly exclaiming, “I just really thought we had something, you know?”

Others were not surprised. Mike Innike (MCAS ’21), Reese’s partner on a semester-long group project, was well aware of the issues the couple had been facing over the past few weeks. 

“Whenever we meet, Reese is always talking about some kind of issue between her and Johnny, and it seems to be something new every week,” Mike said. “Last week she ranted for about an hour and a half about how Al refuses to use chapstick, which is valid – crusty! But still, an hour and a half? Come on.”

“Honestly, we’ve definitely had our disagreements, but I didn’t think it was anything we couldn’t work past,” Mundjoy said. “Like, was I thrilled to learn Reese refrigerates her butter? Of course not. It makes it almost impossible to spread nicely over toast. But damn if I don’t miss watching her laying rock-hard strips of chilly butter out on the table, plowing through them with the deli slicer. I mean, if you’re gonna be that childish with your dairy spreads, you gotta have a good workaround. But anyway, that definitely wasn’t going to be a dealbreaker for me.”

“I really didn’t want to have to do this now, especially right before Halloween,” Reese said. “But honestly, he’s super high maintenance, and I just really couldn’t do it anymore. It’s kind of sad, but I really can’t say that I’m to blame. It’s not me, it’s him.”

At press time, Mundjoy was seen handing out complimentary candy to girls on his floor in 2150, asking if any were interested in carving pumpkins with him and unsolicitedly assuring them he is “a super laid-back, just, like, a really easygoing, just, like, a chill guy.”