“Hey, You Guys Almost Beat Clemson!” Reports Uncle
Sports November 2, 2020 The New England Classic
STAYER HALL — Junior Kelly McGuinness (MCAS ’22) got a burst of excitement Sunday when she received a text from her uncle, Brian McGuinness, noting the near victory of BC football over Clemson. The text came after McGuinness called Kelly’s father, Peter, to confirm that Kelly did in fact attend Boston College and not “the University of Boston.”
This was the first message between the two in four months, save for a Washington Examiner article about college students joining “Marxist organizations” in which McGuinness had tagged his niece. His previous messages to Kelly, regarding a family Independence Day picnic, read: “Can u get buns and Aunt Joanne’s foot cream @ store,” followed by “Uncle BRian,” and finally “Rite-aid dr scholls 2 packages of hot dog buns thx.”
Mr. McGuinness, a Rutgers alumni and former practice squad booster, was pleased to have a bit of connection with his niece. “Carrie [sic] was always a sweet kid at parties,” he said, “and I see pictures of her moving in and shit on Facebook.” McGuinness went on to discuss “her mom Vicki” (referring to Kelly’s mother, Stacy) and “that time I met Vinny Testaverde,” a story which quickly became a rant about University of Miami football and the New York Jets.
Kelly, who spent Sunday nursing a hangover, had mixed feelings about her uncle’s comments.
“Yeah, Uncle Brian doesn’t really talk to me unless it’s about sports,” she said. “Apparently saying ‘Yeah! Go Eagles!’ didn’t get the job done, because he started asking about bowl games and if ‘campus is any different now they make you wear them dam [sic] masks.’” Kelly later confirmed to her uncle that she doesn’t see Phil Jurkovec around, before reminding him which aunt was hosting Thanksgiving this year.
At press time, Mr. McGuinness was seen shopping for gray mesh slip-on shoes and more quarter zip sweaters, squinting at his phone, and wearing his magnetic reading glasses around his neck.
