Pasta Prankster Replaces Crew Team’s Oars With Long Strands Of Spaghetti
Sports October 22, 2017 The New England Classic
CHARLES RIVER — Upon unloading their boats for the 2017 Head of the Charles Regatta early Sunday morning, the Boston College men’s crew team discovered that all of their oars had been replaced with large pieces of uncooked spaghetti.
Unable to locate the pro-pasta prankster, the team was forced to compete in the race with the spaghetti oars, but they didn’t let it dampen their spirits.
“I think our prospects for the race today are still pretty good,” said head coach Alfred O’Sauce before the race. “We have a strong group of guys this year and this little ‘prank’ isn’t going to get in the way of our success. Plus, whatever hooligan that tried to pull this off forgot one thing: carbs are what make athletes BETTER.”
Spectators were shocked to see Boston College’s boats slicing through the water at unprecedented speed as the team used the increasingly slippery noodles as their sole means of acceleration. As one observer explained, “It was like watching a miracle take place. Those rowers were one with their spaghetti.”
BC rowing captain Linguini Manuel Marinara (MCAS ‘19) admitted that he “definitely felt like God helped out” during the race. “It makes sense in a situation like this, you know? We’re a Jesuit school and God is Italian, so we have the whole pasta-Jesus combo going for us.”
By the end of the race, the rowers’ intense physical exertion had somehow cooked the spaghetti to al dente perfection. “I’d call it a win-win-win situation,” Marinara commented while slapping a limp noodle across his face on each pronunciation of “win.”
The team may have been disqualified for their use of non-regulation oars, “But we learned a thing or two about determination, friendship, and fine Italian cuisine” remarked Coach O’Sauce.
At press time, the unknown prankster (potentially a radicalized Pastafarian) was still at large. If you have any information regarding this case, please contact BCPD or your favorite North End restaurant.
