BC Dining Unveils Thanksgiving Menu — “It’s Just Rice.”
McElroy Commons — Owing to the strange circumstances brought about by the pandemic this year, many more students than usual have chosen to stay on campus for the Thanksgiving holiday. Luckily, BC Dining is well-prepared to ensure that everyone, regardless of whether they went home or not, can tuck into a nice plate of rice.
“We know just how important Thanksgiving is. It can be the only time of year your whole family gets together in one place, so we wanted to make sure our BC family still had a meaningful day; eating well, thinking well, and being well. That’s our motto, after all. Unfortunately, by the time we downloaded Instacart™, all the traditional turkey day supplies were sold out! Luckily, I kind of specialize in this off-the-cuff, crunch time innovation, and I ordered one hundred and fifty 25-pound bags of rice,” explained Mike at Mac.
When asked what the rest of the menu would consist of, Mike gleefully held up a copy of the 2020 BC Dining “Harvest Dinner Menu.” Under each heading was listed a single word: rice.
“It’s all rice?”
“Always has been.”
Though Dining anticipates some complaints over the lack of traditional thanksgiving fare, such as turkey, stuffing, or cranberry sauce, they are fully aware that feeding the minds of BC students is often a thankless job.
“Sometimes those minds come back to bite the hand that gives them cup after cup after cup of unseasoned, somehow slightly burnt white rice that also has these really weird, rock-hard clumps sprinkled throughout. On the bright side, those clumps do give it some good texture, even if there have been a few chipped molars.”
Much like this year’s forbidden Thanksgiving gatherings nationwide, dinner on The Heights will be bland, tough to swallow, and overwhelmingly white.
At press time, a team of highly trained Dining agents were experimenting with a new molecular compound, a highly volatile structure dubbed “sodium chloride”.