Jesuits Plan “Holy War” Tailgate Ahead of Notre Dame Game
Sports September 15, 2017
ST. MARY’S LAWN — A group of Jesuit priests are preparing to host the “tailgate of the millennium” to coincide with Saturday’s Holy War football game against Notre Dame, Boston College’s long-standing rival Jesuit institution. Initial reports suggested that the clergymen had set up a large charcoal grill and... Read more
38% of Student Body Shares Same One Black Friend
Big Issues September 14, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — Thirty-eight percent of current Boston College undergraduates share the same one black friend, according to a recent study by the Department of Sociology. Researchers found that being friends with Marcus Williams (MCAS ‘19) provides over 2,000 students with an excuse to “jokingly” say the n-word and... Read more
It’s Suit Time!
Student Life September 13, 2017
It is the time when all the suits come out to play! Hark, my children! Grab your neckties and button your cuffs, for it is suit time. Yessir, we’ve waited many a fortnight but it has finally come: the time when all the suits come out to frolic on... Read more
Roommate Concerningly Unphased By Mysterious Beige Spot On Mattress
Student Life September 11, 2017
90 ST. THOMAS MORE ROAD — Over the last week, disturbing reports have circulated around Lower Campus suggesting that Mark Connors (CSOM ‘20) doesn’t seem to mind the odd beige stain on his standard-issue Boston College mattress. Ear-witness accounts confirm that, yesterday, Mark called the mystery stain, “not that... Read more
BERLIN — Football head coach Steve Addazio will be missing Saturday’s game after a controversial last-minute decision to study abroad in his fifth year on the Heights. According to The Classic’s international correspondents, the full-figured adventurer has been spotted taking pictures in front of the Berlin Wall and planning... Read more
Newly Ordained Fr. Kevin Spends All Of Mass Playing “Flappy Bird” On Phone
Jesuits September 7, 2017
CONTE FORUM — During Boston College’s annual Mass of the Holy Spirit, newly ordained, and self-proclaimed “hip, young Jesuit” Fr. Kevin, S.J., spent the entirety of the service playing “Flappy Bird” on his iPhone 6. The traditional “opening ceremony” for the academic year dates back to the Middle Ages, when Jesuits commemorated the... Read more
Wise RA To Freshman: “I remember when I was your age”
FreshmenStudent Life September 5, 2017
CLAVER HALL — Sophomore Resident Assistant Jessica Bryant (MCAS ’20) imparted some invaluable nuggets of wisdom to freshman Sierra Mortensen (LSOE ’21), one of her residents on Claver 3, Tuesday afternoon. With a full nine months of college under her belt, Bryant found herself reminiscing about the “good ol’... Read more
“Fun Fact” Not Actually That Fun
Freshmen September 4, 2017
STOKES NORTH — Classmates of Todd Cummings (MCAS ‘21) were incredibly disappointed Thursday after his introductory “fun fact” in their First Year Writing Seminar turned out to be really not that fun. The professor’s innocent attempt to get to know her students’ names and interests quickly devolved once it was Cummings’ turn... Read more
BOSTON COLLEGE — The Vanderslice and 90 Hall RAs won the 154th Annual Opening Weekend Write-Up Contest last weekend with a record-breaking 174 write-ups, making this their third consecutive victory. The fresh excitement of living on Lower Campus mixed with an oddly anticipated televised fight between two sweaty guys... Read more
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Mass hysteria erupted throughout the Heights on Monday morning, as University President Father William P. Leahy, S.J. announced that all diplomas for the Class of 2017 will be distributed digitally, and may only be accessed via the graduates’ individual print queues. This unconventional delivery method breaks... Read more