Spooky! Student Refuses To Buy Into Jesuit Traditions, Has No Reflection

WILLIAMS HALL — Thursday morning, sophomore Eric Johnson made a shocking discovery after he walked into the bathroom of his College Road quad.

“I was just going about my usual morning routine—smashing the snooze button on my alarm clock until my roommate throws a pillow at me, and then dragging myself into the bathroom to do my daily practice of making kissy faces at my reflection,” the physics major explained with a wink. “But when I looked in the mirror this morning, all I could see was the shower behind me. I looked down at my hands to make sure I wasn’t invisible, but they were still there… my reflection just wasn’t showing up.”

Johnson is currently enrolled in PULSE—a course that requires students to not only read the great texts of philosophy and theology but also complete a service and reflection component in the hopes that they will grow as students and people. Johnson, according to sources, hasn’t really been buying into the reflection part, though.

“Oh yeah, I love the school that I go to on Wednesday afternoons,” exclaimed Johnson. “Those kids are so stinkin’ cute! I’m just not a huge fan of writing or talking about my feelings. It really tarnishes the experience for me. I’m much more of a living in the moment, taking life as it comes kinda guy.”

According to Johnson’s professor, Dr. Scott “Spooks” McKenzie, “Losing one’s visual reflection is a rare, but not-unheard-of, side effect of not buying into the Jesuit tradition of moral and religious reflection.”

Dr. McKenzie said that in his twenty years of teaching, he has only seen this phenomenon occur one other time. “And that student transferred to Boston University, so it is highly unlikely he ever regained his reflection.”   

At press time, Johnson’s reflection had not yet returned, and he was spotted glancing into the Robsham windows, unfortunately unable to check himself out. Spooky!

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