The New England Classic
Vatican Reminds BC Dining That Snack Attack Was Original Holy Trinity

Vatican Reminds BC Dining That Snack Attack Was Original Holy Trinity

JesuitsStudent Life August 30, 2018 The New England Classic

VATICAN CITY — In a nearly 200-page encyclical titled “Execarbilis,” Pope Francis on Friday called for Boston College to reinstate the Late Night dining... Vatican Reminds BC Dining That Snack Attack Was Original Holy Trinity

VATICAN CITY — In a nearly 200-page encyclical titled “Execarbilis,” Pope Francis on Friday called for Boston College to reinstate the Late Night dining policies it abandoned for the 2018-2019 academic year.

“Just as the Father, Son and Holy Ghost form a Holy Trinity, so hallowed is the union of French Fries, Chicken Tenders and Mozzarella Sticks,” read the opening lines of Francis’s enormous volume.

The order continues to describe Late Night as a “gift of love from God to His children.”

Boston College made the controversial decision in late August to restructure the nighttime dining options around campus, creating a healthier, more diverse menu for Corcoran Commons and capping McElroy’s Late Night hours at midnight. This decision was met with controversy from students, faculty, and the Holy See alike.

As a papal document, the encyclical represents the official stance of the Church on the question of proper fried food service. The Jesuit Pope’s action highlights his strategy of taking a stance on issues ignored by previous administrations.

While he offered little public comment on the subject, the Pontiff was quoted as saying that, although historical records indicate that wafers best represent the Body of Christ, it is possible that “His essence may be reached with as much dignity and love through a large Buffalo Chicken Sub.”

At press time, the Church was reportedly toying with the idea of replacing holy water with chipotle mayonnaise for all religious ceremonies.