BAPST LIBRARY — In a rallying cry to all nerds on campus, a group of bespectacled, tweed-wearing students took to the lawn of Bapst early Monday to announce a plan to turn in their final exams before even three-quarters of the exam time had passed. The proposal was heralded... Read more
STOKES SOUTH — Tragedy struck a group of 4 Boston College sophomores this afternoon, who all died of dysentery on the long and arduous journey in search of an empty classroom for their group to study in. The group set out on their quest with nothing but their books... Read more
Sophomore Guy’s Masculinity Hanging On By Thread Of Embroidered Club Sports Patagonia
SportsStudent Life May 3, 2017
THE RAT — After an exhausting semester that consisted of seemingly letdown after letdown, Dan Wellington’s (MCAS ’19) masculinity was reportedly entirely dependent on his embroidered Boston College Men’s Crew Patagonia Snap-T. “I still don’t have a summer internship, I realized I don’t want to be friends with my... Read more
BOSTONCOLLEGE.INSTRUCTURE.COM — Uploading documents to her class’ Canvas page, Professor Sheela McGuire, could not figure out how to rotate the PDF documents of readings she assigned her Gender & Sexuality class to do. As a result, the frustrated professor reportedly uploaded the documents sideways. “Uhh… my students should be... Read more
Anxious Student Desperately Hopes Friend Visiting From Home Has Fun Weekend
Student Life April 30, 2017
66 COMMONWEALTH AVE — After suffering through a lengthy and arduous series of texts, Alex Delamigo (CSOM ’19), has announced that he will be hosting his hometown friend Todd this upcoming weekend. Although Delamigo, a native of nearby Waltham, Massachusetts, claimed to have “no official plans,” his friend from... Read more
Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big
FreshmenStudent Life April 26, 2017
FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of... Read more
Boston College Administrators Apparently Under Impression That Wheelchairs Have Jetpacks
Big Issues April 25, 2017
ACADEMIC QUAD — In an exclusive interview this afternoon about Boston College’s accessibility for people in wheelchairs, a duo of Boston College administrators seemed to not see the problem with the university’s possibly illegal deficit of wheelchair ramps and other typically standardized campus accessibility accommodations. The administrators’ lack of concern... Read more
“You Look Great Today,” Reports Robsham Window
Student Life April 24, 2017
LOWER CAMPUS — Sitting there a little more reflective than usual today, the Robsham Window reportedly wanted to let you know how great you look today. “Damn! You look good as hell today. Is that a new shirt?” the Robsham Window told the press in a conference earlier this afternoon, adding... Read more
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article
Holidays April 20, 2017
Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture... Read more