Welcome To Another Episode Of Pimp My UIS!
Old Articles November 16, 2016
Welcome to another episode of Pimp My UIS! I’m your host, world-renowned Catholic rapper ever2Xcel, and today we’ve got a university information system that is in serious need of an upgrade! Johnny Manzo is a junior in the Lynch School here at Boston College, and he’s been registering for courses for years... Read more
Fashionably Late Freshman Third Person At Party
Old Articles November 13, 2016
RUBENSTEIN HALL — After buttoning the last button of his fine poly-cotton blend shirt at approximately 8:24 p.m. in his Keyes South double, Arnold Pellegrini (MCAS ‘20) was spotted making his way to the Newton bus with a cool, collected confidence that he hadn’t experienced since high school, when... Read more
MIDDLE CAMPUS — At 11:02AM this morning, senior Bryan McDadderson (MCAS ’17) placed his fingers to keyboard and—uh-oh—thought about posting a Facebook status with his “unique” insight into the 2016 presidential election. While McDadderson reportedly told himself that this behavior was not consistent with his normal online activity, sources... Read more
Fr. Leahy Announces Ambitious 10 Year Plan Of Keeping Things Exactly How They Are
Old Articles November 4, 2016
ST. MARY’S HALL — Inspired by the historic lack of discourse about policy and reform proposals in the 2016 presidential election, university president Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J., held a private press conference on Friday to announce his bold new vision for the next ten years of academic, infrastructural,... Read more
Freshman Takes Off Mask For Halloween
Old Articles October 30, 2016
LES MODULARS — Jake Griffin (CSOM ‘20) caused shock, confusion, and a worrying amount of arousal to a number of students with his controversial choice of Halloween costume this year. In spite of the temptation to dress as ‘Sexy Steve Addazio’ or ‘Sassy Stuart Lunch Lady,’ Jake took a different approach,... Read more
Addazio To Skip Road Game This Weekend In Order To Complete TMNT Group Halloween Costume
AddazioOld Articles October 28, 2016
PARTY CITY — In a surprising yet completely predictable move, Boston College Head Football Coach Steve Addazio will not be traveling down south with his team to face off against NC State on Saturday. Instead, he has announced that he must remain in the Boston area for Halloween weekend,... Read more
Addazio Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting Four Tide Pods, Will Miss Syracuse Game
AddazioOld Articles October 21, 2016
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — At 11:36pm on Thursday evening, Boston College EMS received an emergency call notifying them of an unconscious man on the floor of the Walsh laundry room. Upon their arrival to the laundry room, the volunteer EMTs quickly identified the man as Steve Addazio, head... Read more
Pre-Law Student Filibusters Walsh RD Meeting For Ten Hours, Escapes All Disciplinary Action
Old Articles October 16, 2016
WALSH HALL — After a wild Saturday night on the third floor of Boston College’s iconic sophomore shithole, the rowdy yet lovable boys of Walsh 307 found themselves in some seriously hot water. Following a handful of noise complaints and a couple of tip-offs from ResLife insiders, a crack team of RAs... Read more
EPA Warns College Campuses About Dangerous, Invasive A Cappella Groups
Old Articles October 12, 2016
LYONS HALL — In a statement released last week, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a warning to colleges across the nation about the newest environmental, economic, and cultural threat to their campuses: a cappella groups. Among other dangers, the report focuses on a cappella groups’ invasive tendencies, citing studies... Read more
Addazio To Miss Tonight’s Game Against Clemson After Buying Jersey Boys Tickets “Like Months Ago”
AddazioOld Articles October 7, 2016
BOSTON OPERA HOUSE — It appears as if the Eagles Football team will be flying without the head of their flock for Friday’s big game against Clemson. Amidst the already daunting task of going up against the #3-ranked team and Heisman hopeful Deshaun Watson, head coach Steve Addazio held a last-minute... Read more