Boston College Administrators Apparently Under Impression That Wheelchairs Have Jetpacks
Big Issues April 25, 2017
ACADEMIC QUAD — In an exclusive interview this afternoon about Boston College’s accessibility for people in wheelchairs, a duo of Boston College administrators seemed to not see the problem with the university’s possibly illegal deficit of wheelchair ramps and other typically standardized campus accessibility accommodations. The administrators’ lack of concern... Read more
“You Look Great Today,” Reports Robsham Window
Student Life April 24, 2017
LOWER CAMPUS — Sitting there a little more reflective than usual today, the Robsham Window reportedly wanted to let you know how great you look today. “Damn! You look good as hell today. Is that a new shirt?” the Robsham Window told the press in a conference earlier this afternoon, adding... Read more
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article
Holidays April 20, 2017
Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture... Read more
Group Project Member Can’t Meet At That Time
School April 19, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — Citing a variety of reasons why it just wouldn’t work for her, group project member Carrie Massie (MCAS ‘19) announced Tuesday morning that she simply couldn’t meet at the nearly unanimously agreed-upon time. “Sorry guys, but that’s just no good for me,” Massie messaged in the... Read more
2150 COMMONWEALTH AVE — In a stunning and unprecedented leap into the pool of twenty-first century healthcare, University Health Services has decided to hop on board with the reproductive rights movement that began almost exactly 57 years ago on May 9, 1960, when the FDA approved the first birth control... Read more
You may have heard some of the rumors that have been floating around these past few months. Well, allow me to set the record straight: I’m running the Boston Marathon this year, and I’m not afraid to admit it. There, I said it. I know you must be shocked,... Read more
MIDDLE CAMPUS — Stretching the truth for the fifteenth time during the short tour of campus, Student Admission Program tour guide Maxine Alturn (MCAS ’18) claimed that Gasson Hall, with its 200 foot bell tower, was the tallest building on the East Coast. Stating the boldface lie with calm... Read more
Leahy Prays To Top Donors, Trustees For Guidance On Gender-Neutral Bathrooms
Big IssuesLeahy April 6, 2017
CARNEY HALL — On Sunday night, the Undergraduate Government of Boston College passed The Resolution Concerning Single Stall Restrooms, officially calling for a change in all strict male-or-female signage for the 18 single-stall restrooms in academic buildings on campus. In passing this resolution, UGBC has shown support and recognition... Read more
“I love my family and going to the movies,” Reports Intermediate Italian Student
School April 5, 2017
LYONS HALL — Raising her hand for the first time in weeks, sophomore Katie Moskovitz (MCAS ‘19) informed her Intermediate Italian class Wednesday afternoon that she reportedly loved her “family and going to the movies.” Sources confirmed that her proclamation seemed credible, citing previous statements given by Moskovitz which suggested... Read more