What To Do When Your Parents Sexile You On Parents’ Weekend
CHESTNUT HILL, MA — Parents’ Weekend can be a very stressful time for both students and their parents. You may find that it’s hard to readjust to your parents after being away from home for so long. Your parents will probably find it’s difficult to not just rip off their clothes and start fucking, like they have since you left for college.
If your parents haven’t said anything about staying in a hotel, that’s probably your first clue. Your parents are definitely spending the night in your room, and you’re getting sexiled. Look, hotels are expensive and you can’t really fault your parents for trying to get more bang for their buck, considering they already pay for most of your tuition.
Plus, being back on a college campus has probably got them worked up like two stallions in heat. Don’t make this more awkward than it has to be. Your parents might say it’s fine for you to stay, but take a goddamn hint pal: they already put a sock on the doorknob.
According to the university’s Code of Student Conduct, premarital sex is not allowed on campus, but marital sex is. So really, your parents are pretty universally in the right here. Besides, it’s not like you were going to seal the deal with anyone tonight, right?
Okay good, you understand the situation and don’t intend to stay there for the night. Now what? If you’re from somewhere near school, you might be wondering if you can just go home and sleep there. Think again buster.
If you honestly believe that your parents haven’t turned your childhood bedroom into a kinky sex dungeon, you’re dead wrong. Your best bet is to sleep on a couch in the lounge, but get one fast, as odds are you’re not the only kid whose parents are getting it on tonight.
Look, stop being so grossed out, your parents have been having sex since way before you were born. If you think about it, that’s how you ended up here. Don’t think about it too much though, because that would be pretty weird.
Try to be happy for your parents: plenty of marriages stop being sexual once kids are born, and the fact that your parents are still sleeping together is a great sign that their marriage is healthy.
Remember that this is Parents’ Weekend—it’s about them. Don’t they deserve to have some hot, steamy, tantalizing sex in your dorm room?