CSOM Student Has Business Casual Sex
STAYER HALL — Carroll School of Management junior Dan Tribbiani reportedly engaged in business casual sex Saturday night.
The hookup began at a Career Center event in Mod 12A. Upon arrival, Tribbiani hoped to improve his employment prospects and also maybe fuck.
Once inside, he connected with Jessica Lange (CSOM ‘19), the campus ambassador for Core Imagine, a small startup with no capital, small reach, and no future. First, the pair entered into a constructive dialogue about what it means to be a disruptive influencer. Then, they followed up by touching base and touching each other’s bases.
After their initial consultation, they decided that it would be more productive to move their discussion into Tribbiani’s room in Stayer.
When they got to his room, Tribbiani assured Lange that his roommate was away at a convention in New Hampshire for the weekend. After careful analysis, the duo decided that it would make sense to become partners for a brief joint venture.
Tribbiani’s business expanded rather quickly, but he failed to account for rising costs and expenses. He had to offload his assets much faster than Lange would have liked and then downsized immediately afterwards.
Always the determined entrepreneur, he decided to get his hands dirty and try to change the game. Despite earlier setbacks, she reportedly liked that he “thought outside her box.”
The next morning, Lange had to leave quickly to attend a seminar on female empowerment in the workplace, but before she left, she reportedly said that she was “glad they had this opportunity to network.” Luckily, she was able to avoid a costly next generation project because they had used fiscal asset protection beforehand.
At press time, Mr. Tribbianni had just endorsed Ms. Lange on Linkedin for interpersonal communication and fucking.