Alumni Parents Keep Hinting At Where They Used To Fuck
BUSTNUT HILL — Freshman Jake O’Flannery (CSOM ‘21) was treated to a very special tour of Boston College this Parent’s Weekend when his mother, Erin O’Flannery (A&S ‘86), and father, Marcus O’Flannery (CSOM ‘86), brought him along to revisit all the places on the Heights where the couple used to fuck.
The tour commenced in his father’s freshman dorm (just down the hall from O’Flannery’s own Fenwick triple) and came to an end at the Robsham bus stop, where his parents fondly recalled fucking on their graduation day.
“It’s so surreal being back here,” remarked Erin. “And now little Jakey gets to follow in our footsteps! God, I’m getting horny just looking at Gasson right now.”
O’Flannery could be seen trailing behind his parents early Friday afternoon as they walked from Upper campus to the Mods and back again approximately four times throughout the course of the tour. “They thought it was a good idea to go chronologically instead of geographically. They could have fucked somewhere centrally located like the group study rooms in O’Neill, but no! We had to take the Newton bus three times! Neither of them even lived on Newton, but apparently they fucked on the field hockey field a lot their senior year.”
While the majority of the tour was celebratory and nostalgic for the O’Flannery’s, a visit to Mod 18A sobered the pair up for a moment. “Here’s where I knocked your mother up for the first time, bud,” confessed Marcus, clapping his son on the back. “Of course, I made her get an abortion as soon as she found out, but you almost had an older brother! Or sister, I guess.” The family participated in a tender moment of silence before heading to Carney to continue their tour.
O’Flannery was spotted attending the Pops on the Heights concert alone later that night. “I don’t know where my parents went. I don’t want to know—there’s already too many places on campus I’m too grossed out to go back to now.”
At press time, the elder O’Flannery’s were seen sneaking off to the bathroom together while at Sunday Mass.