Personal, National Tragedies Great For Ticket Sales, Reports BC Athletics Marketing Team
YAWKEY ATHLETIC CENTER — The marketing division of Boston College Athletics released a new report Friday, outlining a recently discovered phenomenon: deeply emotional tragedies can easily be co-opted into fun gameday themes in order to drastically increase ticket sales.
This strategy has been proven successful only when used on nationally televised night games against high-profile teams. While strict adherence to this approach yields maximum profits for BC Athletics, such specific stipulations can lead to wildly fluctuating dates for the annual Red Bandana Game, which was first played on September 13, 2014 to honor and commemorate the heroism and selflessness of Welles Remy Crowther (BC ‘99) and all those lost on 9/11.
The dramatic successes achieved via this approach over the past few years have encouraged the marketing team to continue exploiting Crowther’s story for the foreseeable future. Each Red Bandana Game has been increasingly distanced from the actual date of September 11, with some gameday experts theorizing that the game will be scheduled for mid-December by the year 2020.
“We would never do anything to diminish the significance of 9/11,” explained BC Athletics Marketing Director Jerome Sanderson. Some critics have accused Sanderson and his team of prioritizing ticket sales over timeliness, “But what these individuals fail to appreciate is how we’re trying to maximize primetime exposure for Welles and his story. National television? A sold-out crowd? That’s how we can best commemorate his ultimate sacrifice, dates and calendars be damned!”
Taking a moment to roll up the sleeves of his Under Armour® Red Bandana hooded sweatshirt (available for $72 from the Boston College Bookstore), Sanderson continued: “Besides, the football team always wears special red bandana-inspired gloves, cleats, and helmets. How can anyone try to say that we’re not doing enough to pay tribute to Ronnie Willis Caruthers?”
The new report also showed that, for some reason, the crowd-drawing cultural significance of the Red Bandana Game has slowly diminished over time. To this end, some creative thinkers within the marketing team are looking for new catastrophes to turn into gameday themes.
“We’re not saying that we want more of these horrible national tragedies that kill former Boston College athletes,” said Sanderson, “But you can’t argue with the numbers, baby!”
At press time, a number of concerned individuals from within the campus community had come together to issue a statement in response to the new marketing report: “We the students of Boston College find it shocking and disgraceful that the tradition of the Red Bandana Game has been exploited for financial gain. Such tone-deaf practices serve to detract from what this special night game is really all about: getting blackout drunk, leaving at the half if we’re losing really badly, and waving around red bandanas all night before we tie them around our backpacks and forget about the whole thing in two weeks time. May we never forget.”