Sophomore Accidentally Launches Nuclear Strike On Russia With UIS
NATO HQ, BRUSSELS — Innocently attempting to sign up for next semester’s classes on UIS early Friday morning, sophomore Harry Wood managed to quite literally set the world aflame when he accidentally launched 24 Trident Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles towards targets in Russia from a US Navy Ohio-class submarine stationed off the coast of Syria.
“I was pressing a lot of buttons frantically because I heard US Foreign Policy II with Jacobs was close to filling up,” said Wood. “And all of a sudden, UIS was asking me if I wanted to ‘nuke those commie bastards.’ Since I knew the class had a lot to do with the Cold War, I figured I would just I hit “Enter,” and all of the sudden UIS congratulated me on my ‘glorious victory.’”
The program activated by Wood during his reckless registration was initially crafted for the US government during the height of the Cold War, when UIS was a critical component of the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) network. Naturally, nuclear weapons could be launched with the input of a few launch codes into the program.
At press time, while Wood did eventually enroll in Jacob’s class, he unfortunately now has the weight of the three million Russian lives he accidentally took on his conscience.