Junior Receiving College Credit For Four Month Vacation
SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE— Boston College study abroad student Elena Olson (MCAS ‘18) will reportedly receive a full semester of credit for taking a four month vacation, filled with excursions to historic landmarks, museums and picturesque scenery, along with lots of yummy food and long nights of partying.
“I’m not sure how I was allowed, and even encouraged, to take such a long hiatus from my responsibilities to go wander across Europe,” explained Olson, while sipping a mojito in fucking Monaco. “It’s insane right? I’m literally getting college credit to go out and get drunk every night and makeout with European dudes. That is literally what every single 20-year-old wants to do all the time.”
Olson even gets to carry around one of those giant backpacking packs from REI, making her look really cool and adventurous, though she admits it is filled mostly with individually weighed and packaged bags of marijuana and different narcotics. “I made some new friends and agreed to help move a few kilos of dope across the Italian border. They use the metric system in Europe, neat right?” laughed Olson.
Olson has made sure to update her social media pages with pictures of delicious food in quaint cafés, breathtaking scenery, and exciting social outings, all while receiving credit for both her major and the university core. “Everyone back home is soooo jealous, and I do not miss my friends and family at all, nor am I lonely!” said Olson, nervously sipping a mysterious amber liquid from a flask.
But, she claims that, obviously, the best part of being abroad is getting to use a bidet after every bowel movement. “I don’t know why bidets never took off in the U.S.” wondered Olson. “It’s just so nice to take a satisfying poop, and then rinse off your anus and genitals with a spout of water. It’s just so refreshing. Think about it, if you got shit anywhere else on your body, you wouldn’t just wipe it off with toilet paper, you would wash it. Why should my butthole be any different?” She is so right, Americans are really dumb for not jumping on the bidet trend.
Anyway, it’s pretty cool that Olson is getting credit for this semester-long holiday (it’s what they call vacations in Europe). She may be running away from her real problems that will inevitably still be present when she returns, and there is always a possibility she could be falsely accused of murdering her roommate, but she has gotten a great chance to catch up on Netflix, even though they have different shows there. “Some of the British ones are actually pretty okay,” says Olson.