“ResChoice” Students Demand More Say In Housing Process
OFFICE OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE — A new protest movement on campus has started to gain noticeable traction this week, as hundreds of students are coming together to express their frustration with the notoriously tedious Boston College room selection process. These student activists, who describe themselves as “ResChoice,” are finally speaking up after years of oppression and neglect under the current automated lottery system, which many have described as “out of touch and antiquated.”
“We’re students at an elite university; we work hard and achieve great things. All we ask in return is the freedom to return home—to a dorm of our choosing—at the end of a long day,” reasoned Kevin McSullivan (MCAS ‘18), one of the ResChoice movement’s head organizers. “For me, that ideal home was located somewhere among the Mods.” McSullivan went on to explain that his housing group sadly did not receive a pick time last Tuesday, and that his dream of alcohol-stained modular living now lies in shambles.
The future resident of Gabelli Hall was quick to add that ResChoice stands for much more than his own personal woes. When the movement began on Tuesday afternoon, it had the support of only a few mod-less juniors. However, McSullivan explained that the group has since seen a sizable spike in interest from a large portion of the freshman class.
“8-man day is right around the corner, and our brothers and sisters in the Class of 2020 want to make their voices heard before they’re forced to watch their friend groups and social lives crumble before their very eyes.”
The movement has quickly mobilized, and a rotating cast of dissidents can now be found protesting just outside the premises of the Office of Residential Life. Cries of “Our tuition, our decision!” and “When they say Upper, we go Lower!” can be heard flooding the fourth floor of Maloney Hall during every hour of the workday.
Luckily, this coordinated ResChoice effort has already led to what many believe might be the greatest single victory in Boston College student protest history: a university official was forced to make a public statement formally acknowledging the growing on-campus disdain for the room selection process.
The statement came via the @BC_ResLife Twitter handle, and reads as follows: “Please remember that the housing lottery is entirely out of our control! Blame the automated system that we design and operate, not us!” Included with the tweet was a GIF from The Office, a decision which every ResChoicer agreed was funny and not at all condescending.
“I’ll be honest, the only things getting me through these dark days of heartbreak have been those hilarious GIFs,” McSullivan admitted. “Maybe ResLife and ResChoice can get along after all!”
At press time, the hundreds of sophomores still searching for off-campus housing were seen wiping away tears from their eyes and flashing back to simpler times.