The New England Classic
Boston College Dummies’ Guide: Understanding Greek Life Terms
Winter break is a wonderful time for college students everywhere to meet up with old friends from back home. While you and your high school pals are catching up and sharing crazy stories over some ice-cold, refreshing bottles of Bud Light Platinum™, you might feel confused and alienated when... Read more
BCPD Stops Alleged “Die-In” Protest at 3:47am in Bapst
157 Boston College students are under investigation for staging a die-in protest in Bapst Library. Boston College, which recently punished students for harmlessly laying down and practicing their right to protest in St. Mary’s, has been on red alert lately. “We’re really keeping a vigilant eye out for inappropriate... Read more
Cool RA Fears He’s “In Too Deep”
Now being several months into the school year, students across campus are finally settling into standard routines in their daily lives, including blowing entire meal plans on F’Reals in the span of a week and chilling with the “cool RAs.”  Ben Novak, self-proclaimed “Cool Ra,” fears that his coolness... Read more
Freshmen Use Generic Names for New Friends When Memory Fails
Citing their frustration at having to learn the different names of so many people, Boston College freshmen have resolved to call every one of their new friends either Dan or Madison, depending on gender. “It became clear to me within the first week here that learning all these names... Read more
Sandwich Bursts Into 21st Century
“It’s incredible!” yelled one student. “Holy shit! It looks so good!” praised another. “Thenepaper.com is so fresh, yo! 10/10 would bang!” yaked a freshman. “Wassup, bitches!?” said The Sandwich, spokesman for The New England Classic. “I have arrived!” At 5:09 PM on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014, The New England... Read more