The New England Classic
Notre Dame Struggling to Find Single-Sex Hotel in Boston
FENWAY — Ranked 5th in the country and boasting a 9-1 record, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish are having an outstanding football season. Most sportscasters have Notre Dame crushing the Boston College Eagles in their upcoming matchup on the hallowed grounds of Fenway Park. Unfortunately, the boys from South... Read more
Professor Alludes To Weekend In Hopes That Students Will Ask What He Did
FULTON HALL  — In an effort to connect with his students, Computers in Management professor Radnor Kirkwood started out his 10:30AM class a little differently Tuesday morning. Kirkwood, reportedly starting class at 10:31 to show his “relaxed and laid-back side,” began class with a question: “How was everyone’s weekend?”... Read more
Facebook Adds New Relationship Option For College Thing Stuck Helplessly Between Dating And Hooking Up
SILICON VALLEY — At a press conference earlier this afternoon, Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook would be “addressing the changing romantic needs of its valued collegiate users” by adding the options for college couples—sorry, didn’t mean to put a label on it—to select “College Thing Hopelessly Stuck Between Dating and... Read more
BC To Implement Safe Space for Conservative Students
REAL AMERICA — Much to the dismay campus conservatives, “PC Culture” has been plaguing colleges across the country, most recently at Yale. This sea change in campus climate has brought tense discussions on privilege, race, gender, sexual preference and identity, and socioeconomic brackets to the forefront of the national... Read more
Addazio Successful In New Start as Marching Band Director
CHESTNUT HILL, MA – Though the Eagles lost on the football field today, new marching band director Steve Addazio is reportedly quite pleased with the band’s performance. Says Addazio, “I know we came out a little flat in the first half, but eventually we were able to regroup and... Read more
Conspiracy Theorists Believe In Existence of Fr. Leahy
Chestnut Hill, MA — The United States has a long and proud history of conspiracy theories: Tupac is still alive. The government faked the 1969 Apollo moon landing. The IRS tells the truth. For Boston College Eagles, one recent conspiracy theory hits close to home: A group calling themselves W.A.F.F.L.E... Read more
“Going off of that” Plagues Discussion-Based Courses
Heated academic discussions are found in classrooms throughout Boston College at any time of the day, but seemingly more so in history courses than anywhere else. The logic behind this basically assumes that nothing is more debatable in modern academics than historical facts.  With levels of confidence among students... Read more
Off-Campus Junior Without Meal Plan Attends Mass 3 Times a Day for Eucharist
Except for the majority of your friends that have their parents pay for fucking everything, Boston College students are no strangers to the burden of collegiate expenses. Nonetheless, living on the brink of starvation was not something Junior Mike Cassidy (MCAS ’17) had anticipated upon returning to Chestnut Hill this semester. Living among a shanty... Read more
The 5 Types of People You Always Meet on the Newton Bus
Surprise! You’re a freshman on Newton! While the bus ride may be inconvenient, Newtonites love the freshmen-only dining in Stuart and the sense of community unknown to the bastards on Upper – according to your OL, at least. You’ll definitely appreciate it some day, right!?!? RIGHT!?! In the meantime,... Read more
Overeager Pre-Med Student Uses Ambulance Transport as Valuable Healthcare Networking Opportunity
Pre-Med Freshman Calvin O’Malley, both working hard and partying harder, enhanced his resume this weekend with a stimulating research opportunity in the back of a Fallon Ambulance located outside the Keyes North Basement. As he was covered with the white thermal sheet, visions of the white coat which will... Read more