Articles | Page 35 of 94 | The New England Classic

BC Snubbed from First CFP Rankings Despite Statement Wins Against Colgate, UMass

Uncategorized November 3, 2021

“These kids worked so hard to get where we are this season,” said Hafley, “Frankly, any team that dropped 50 points on that Colgate defense is undeniably one of the best 25 teams in the nation.”

BC Sends Students To Stonehenge To “Figure It Out”

Big Issues Leahy Service November 1, 2021

“We’re kind of curious on, like, how they did it. They didn’t have cranes then, to my knowledge, so they must have used their hands. Now for those back home, these things are heavy–big rocks,” said “Little” Lisa Thorax (LSOE ’22) over zoom. “We were collected by the president–BC wanted their best applied psych majors, to apply our psych.”

SPOOKY: Chocolate Bar To Hire Ghosts as Seasonal Employees

Holidays Spooky WTF October 29, 2021

STOKES SOUTH — Due to a recent shortage in staffing, Stokes Hall’s beloved Chocolate Bar has been forced to shut down once again. Luckily for cacao- and caffeine-deprived students, BC Dining has announced a plan to dip into the largely unemployed ghost population present at Boston College. When asked about... Read more

Spooky: Someone Did The Dishes and It Wasn’t Me!

Spooky October 28, 2021

“I felt like I had walked into an episode of The Twilight Zone. Only something supernatural could have accomplished what the seven able bodied inhabitants of my 8-man seem incapable of doing.”

SPOOKY! Casper Grew Up, and He’s Anti-Vaxx

Coronavirus Holidays Spooky October 27, 2021

Mr. Ghost began his presentation by calling the Pfizer vaccine “Commy Kool-Aid”, and global lockdowns “nothing more than an attempt to keep old guys like me off the streets.”

SPOOKY: Ghosts Forced To Find New Haunts Because Of Guest Policy Crackdown

Campus Culture Dorm Stuff Spooky October 26, 2021

GONZAGA HALL — While most BC students have been enjoying the newfound freedom of the lenient guest policies this year, one unlucky group of guys and ghouls pushed the boundaries too far this past weekend. Resident Gonzaga ghosts Larry B. Scary and Vincent Van Ghost were haunting the halls as... Read more

SPOOKY: Turtleneck Hides Vampire Bite

School Spooky October 25, 2021

The outbreak began a few weeks ago with the beginning of the new lunar cycle, according to supernatural scholars. “We are very concerned by these latest developments,” said Fr. Donald Callahan. “While the number of infected students is still relatively low, that is more of a sign of the lack of virgins on campus, which is equally troubling.”

Wait, Do You Guys Actually All Have Fake IDs?

Big Issues Campus Culture Drinking October 24, 2021

I thought fake ids were a myth – the type of thing you only see in Superbad. Like, it’s literally illegal. I’m a good kid. Sure, I like a good underage drink once in a while but identity theft?!

Satan Visited Campus Today, And Yup, It Was Awesome

Campus Culture WTF October 22, 2021

“Yep. It was awesome,“ said Tugger Moatroder (MCAS ’23).

Sophomore Goes on Retreat for Three Months to Six Years

Student Life WTF October 21, 2021

“Many students have reported rigorous fingerprinting procedures and are supposedly required to have a session with a Boston-based criminal defense attorney.”