Guy Registers Special Little Mod Party Just For Himself
THE MODULARS — With the night football game this past Friday, the Saturday party registration spots became all the more elusive and desirable. Mod residents went to sleep last Sunday with spoons under their pillows and their clothes turned inside out, manifesting having random freshmen line up at their doors, torn up walls, and the stickiest kitchen floors on the block. Their plans were thwarted, however, by one guy named Kyle.
“I woke up early, totally by accident, and I just thought to myself—what if I filled out the registration form right now?” recalls Kyle Deznut (MCAS ’22), “so I just kinda… did.”
He reports sneaking into his roommates’ doubles and stealing their IDs “like a little party fairy” in order to fill out the form. He used his Mathematics major to figure out the units of alcohol and juice he needed, fingers straining under the pressure to secure a spot. Upon submission, he received notice that the party of his dreams had been approved. He was elated.
Deznut failed to realize, however, that all of his roommates were coincidentally going to be out of town on Saturday.
“Definitely not because of the party thing,” said his roommate Mark South (CSOM ’22), “but also definitely because of the party thing. None of us wanted to host, so we figured if we left him alone he wouldn’t be able to.”
South would be proved wrong, however, when Kyle Deznut decided to use this opportunity to throw a special little party all for himself.
“He, like, didn’t even invite me,” reported his girlfriend, Letsa Getdrunk (MCAS ’22). “I was so excited. I thought we’d host it together or something. But instead he just made me go with him to buy a shit ton of Pink Moscato and confetti cannons and yelled at me when I tried to come inside.”
The RAs who opened the party reported feeling “confused” and “terrified” about the whole ordeal.
One mod resident who didn’t receive a pick time reported hearing strange sounds throughout the night. “I’d hear, like, Shakira playing and think ‘Oh, he is having a party,’” said Tom Blamigan (LSOE ’22), “but then it’d be followed by the kind of sob that could only come from a grown man. Really guttural stuff. It was tough to listen to.”
At press time, Deznut was seen trying to pick confetti off of the floor while his roommates researched Boston College’s room change policy.