BC Club Lacrosse Has Away Games This Weekend; Campus Rejoices

IGNATIUS CHURCH — “Let us rejoice, and be glad!” said Father Moly, “For Boston College Men’s Club Lacrosse will be out of Boston from Friday to Sunday!” St. Ignatius erupted into raucous cheers the likes of which haven’t been heard since the church’s inception 96 years ago.

Parents and students, professors and Jesuits, Heraldo and countless others joined in tearful embraces when “Holy” Father Moly spread the good word. As the news spread throughout campus, freshmen fell to their knees in Mac and students in the Chocolate Bar started a Conga line. Even our beautiful tulips began to sprout up from the dead winter soil.

Before the team’s departure on Friday morning, defenseman Dew Shbag (CSOM ’23) gave a statement to The New England Classic. “We’re looking forward to a productive business trip down to Texas. We spent most of our travel budget on Captain Morgan, so we Venmoed my boy Chris to drive us down there.”

Boston College morale has skyrocketed, sweatiness levels have decreased, and investment banks have called administration wondering what happened to their prospective employees.

As Shbag, his boy Chris, and his teammates pulled out of Linden Lane, the sun came out from behind the clouds and God smiled upon Chestnut Hill.

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