Student Next To You In Schiller Lab Keeps 3D Printing Dildos

SCHILLER INSTITUTE — The opening of the new engineering building has brought many things to campus –  a new cafe, bright study rooms, and according to Richard “Dicky” Normous (MCAS ‘23), a means of sexual satisfaction. 

Over the course of the semester, Normous has been observed continuously returning to the 3D printing rooms in the pristine building. It is reported that he has been creating countless phallic sculptures and taking them back to his room. Although he tries to be sneaky in his endeavors, the glass-clad walls surrounding the lab make it hard to do so. 

Connie Fused (MCAS ‘25) divulged, “I have class at the same time Dicky goes in there to work on his little art projects. I try to focus on my class, but when the kid in the lab next to you is printing dildos for an hour and fifteen minutes, it’s rather hard to do so, especially when the only barrier is a single pane of glass.”

The Classic was able to snatch a quick interview as Normous was leaving the lab last week. Normous explained, “Uhhhh…it’s for…my…one of my classes? Yup. It’s a history class about sex toys. You may not have heard of it. It’s a new one this semester.” 

At press time, Eagle-Apps had not been updated yet to include the new class, but more news on that to come.

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