Roommate Absolutely Covered In Blood Wants To Know If You Have Tide Stick
IGNACIO HALL — Panic ensued earlier today when Scott Wonply (MCAS ‘21) sauntered into the common room of Ignacio Hall Room A54 absolutely drenched in blood, and asked nonchalantly if any of his roommates happened to have a Tide stick.
“Scott came in and I was like ‘Bro what the fuck?’ because his shirt was literally soaked with blood,” said Iggy A54 resident Ty D’Pods (CSOM ‘21). “But he was just like ‘Oh this? This is nothing, I just have to get the stain out.’”
Wonply’s other roommates also reportedly encouraged him to seek medical help.
“I said to him ‘Dude, you don’t need a Tide stick, you need to go to the hospital’ but he just shrugged and said, ‘No, what I need is to get this stain out,’” Iggy A54 resident Ty Stick (CSOM ‘21) told the Classic. “I mean he is one of those kids who wears cargo shorts when it’s 10 degrees outside, but this just feels too far.”
Another Iggy 5 resident, Tye Duh (LSOE ‘21), later reported seeing Wonply wandering the hall knocking on doors and screaming, “Ya know Tide to Go? The perfect size for travel? Removes even the toughest stains quick and on the spot?”
At press time, Wonply was seen making his way to UHS, where he was given a Tide stick, a kiss on the forehead, and a brown bag of ibuprofen before being sent on his merry way.