Wowza: Roommate Used To Have An Astounding Amount Of Pubic Hair
WALSH HALL — Phillip Gillette (MCAS ’23) was getting ready for a night on the town when he made the startling discovery that his roommate used to have an absolutely ludicrous amount of pubic hair.
“I was about to hop in the shower when I saw the abomination,” recalled Gillette. “It looked like someone had shaved a grizzly bear.”
The roommate in question, Harry Johnson (CSOM ’23), apparently had no desire to hide his once-burgeoning forest from his quadmates, making no effort to clean up after himself. The shower’s drain was completely covered in mounds of brunette bush, and the fiberglass walls were strewn with loose curls.
Gillette, understandably distraught, canceled his plans for the night.
“Have you guys ever seen that one movie? Shit, I can’t remember what it’s called. It’s the one where there are a lot of zombies like funneling out of buildings and shit. Like so many zombies. I think Brad Pitt was in it, maybe. Circa 2012 or 2013-ish,” said Gillette. “It was like that but replace the zombies with pubes.”
Upon review, it was found that the pubic hairs had an average uncurled length of approximately six inches, suggesting that Johnson had not shaved his crotch in many months, perhaps even years.
“World War Z. Yup, that’s what it was,” said Gillette. “I guess that would make this World War P. P for pubes, I mean.”
At press time, Johnson was seen researching the causal links between fertility rates and deforestation in the Ecuadorian Amazon for his Environmental Sociology final.