The New England Classic
Lessons Learned From Last Sunday’s Snowstorm

Lessons Learned From Last Sunday’s Snowstorm

Campus CultureFreshmen February 17, 2022 The New England Classic

“What we found was that the aerodynamics of the coffin meant that the opposing forces of the snow didn’t allow for maximum kinetic energy... Lessons Learned From Last Sunday’s Snowstorm

UPPER CAMPUS — Lil Freddy (MCAS ’25) rushed out of his dorm room at noon on the day of the greatly anticipated Nor’easter. He woke up to two feet of snow and brisk 12-degree weather, ready to take on the headache from last night’s Gonzaga dorm party.

“What a great day for sledding with the boys!” Freddy exclaimed.

Nothing could get in the way of Freddy’s great day, not even the 60 mph wind or the lack of a real sled. Certainly, Freddy thought, I will be able to find a sled. The thought weighed on Lil Fred. Why, the choice of a sled was just as much a decision of speed as it was a competition of creativity. From suitcases to mattresses, Lil Fredster had to think of something bigger, of something better. Lil Freddy pondered and contemplated and dwelled and cerebrated on what he could possibly use to woo his friends. Then it came to him: his own father’s coffin.

Between the shenanigans the other students were raising, stealing trays from dining halls and cardboard from dumpsters, certainly no one would notice Lil Freddy. Off he went to the nearby cemetery!

Upon returning to campus with the 400-pound makeshift sled, Freds put it to work.

“What we found was that the aerodynamics of the coffin meant that the opposing forces of the snow didn’t allow for maximum kinetic energy on the acceleration of velocity so the resistance resulted in very little quarks,” remarked Freddy’s super smart friend, Philip Payne (MCAS ’25).

It was still sick, though.

Bystander Jill Yodeldon (CSOM ’25) reposted a video of the sled on the app Herrd where it went mini-viral, “It got, what? Like 124 upvotes? It was a pretty big deal. It was like seventh on the ‘Top Posts’ page, but it definitely would’ve been first if it hadn’t violated community guidelines.”

Fred, however, wasn’t as ecstatic about the newly procured popularity. Instead, he found himself a bit saddened for removing the coffin to impress his friends. Was that really what he wanted to be known for? He may never reacquire his father’s pride in him, but at least he has some great memories and learned some valuable lessons on an even greater snow day.