“Dude, those were the glory days” Unny told the Classic. “I just love coming back to campus and this stadium and being reminded of how I was the literal man in my four epic years here. Plus, I’m an alumni. My name is literally on the building, so I’m gonna reminisce whenever I want, even if that’s every weeknight.”
Read more
Girl Who Donates Plasma Calls OnlyFans A “Disgrace”
Student Life March 26, 2023
While it’s not TikTok or buying clothes made in sweatshops and selling them for a normal price, one girl, Doe Nerr (CSON ‘23), has found quite an interesting way to pay for rent and support herself — one that would for sure put her grandparents in a coma if they found out. “I sell my plasma,” Nerr told The Classic, “Two days a week I go into the clinic and let a nurse suck me of some weird yellow liquid I don’t really think I need. $300 a week!”
Read more
Prestigious liberal arts institutions seem to function as a breeding ground for these unfortunate creatures. At these institutions, men learn lots of words, and even remember some of them too! However, they consistently use these words in lieu of the simple 2 syllable option “sorry.”
Read more
If your little red-headed friend is nowhere to be found at the end of the rainbow, then the Classic has you covered! We’ve listed the top-5 most likely hiding places for your short ginger friend on this grand day. Sláinte!
Read more
Film Bro Adds Chemistry Panopto To His Letterboxd
Big Issues March 13, 2023
After a long and strenuous chemistry lecture, hundreds of students fled a packed Devlin 008. While most students were crying over the upcoming test, or scribbling down the last words uttered by the professor, one student, Pret Entious (MCAS ’25) was spotted doing something completely different: rating the lecture on his prized Letterboxd account.
Read more
Student Awakes From Late-Afternoon Nap, Immediately Prepares for Early-Evening Nap
SchoolStudent Life February 23, 2023
“A nap helps me stay motivated,” said Restful, already fluffing her pillow. “It gets me ready to get down to business and pump out some assignments.” Opening her laptop, Restful proceeded to spend a half-hour on Instagram before closing her laptop again. “I definitely couldn’t do without it.”
Read more
8-Man Gives Up Slurs For Lent
Campus CultureJesuits February 22, 2023
“We just thought, you know, this was the year to really take our faith seriously,” said Big Ette (CSOM ’25). “So, yeah, we’re Catholic and proud and we aren’t saying ANY slurs except the f-slur out of devotion to our faith.”
Read more
Application Mishap Places Study Abroad Hopeful At Barcelona Wine Bar
AbroadStudent Life February 21, 2023
Terbrain said that she never thought twice about the interview at the restaurant, believing that it was simply to confirm her eligibility for the abroad program. “I spent the whole time talking about my love for tapas while shoving my face with patatas bravas and sangria to show them my love for the culture. I was a little confused when she kept explaining that I wouldn’t be able to drink on the job… last time I checked, the drinking age is eighteen in Spain.”
Read more
Slimiest Guy You Know Works For Eagles Realty Now
Big IssuesCampus CultureOpinionResLife February 20, 2023