Articles | Page 38 of 94 | The New England Classic

Weirdo Gets Power Trip From Pressing Walsh Elevator Buttons

Uncategorized September 16, 2021

Walsh Hall— Last Friday night, during the peak hours of elevator usage in Walsh Hall, many students reported that a sick, sick man was standing in the elevator asking people what floor they were getting off on. At first it seemed the man was just being polite, but when... Read more

Father Leahy Becomes A Whale, Changes Tuition To Krill

Leahy WTF September 15, 2021

Dwight Jesse (MCAS ’25), one of the students designing the pool, offered some valuable insight: “He really turned himself into a whale. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”

Professor Asks “Just The Ugly Kids” To Mask Up In Class

Coronavirus School Student Life September 14, 2021

Students expressed widespread indignation Monday when Prof. Patrick Lanzoni requested “just the ugly kids” in his Globalization I class wear masks. The announcement came after Lanzoni lamented seeing “atrocious acne” and “a severe lack of smokeshows” for 2 weeks.

Weary Sophomores Defend Roncastle From Hordes Of Freshmen

Dorm Stuff Freshmen Student Life September 10, 2021

A righteous group of sophomores, who just months ago found themselves on the rear end of the housing process, fashioned what weaponry they could to protect their dear fortress. Once the freshmen fired their first rock, an all-night war of bloodlust broke out.

Eager Pre-Med Performs Rigatoni Tracheotomy On Choking Friend

Campus Culture Freshmen September 9, 2021

“Yeah, I’ve wanted to be a surgeon since before Grey’s Anatomy made it popular, so I spend most of my free time studying various procedures on YouTube,” said Call.

Lynch To Add ‘CoComelon’ Studies To List Of Majors

Campus Culture School September 8, 2021

CAMPION HALL — Students in the Lynch School of Education were shocked to see a giant anthropomorphized watermelon blocking the entrance to Campion Hall as classes resumed this week. With the fall semester now underway, the LSOE administration has announced the addition of “CoComelon Studies” to its list of... Read more

CAUTION: Article Under Construction

WTF June 10, 2021

Yeah, how about you make something funny then, Jesus. All you ever do is take some idea you heard from someone else and then pass it along down the chain claiming it as your own.

Jack Dunn Excitedly Preparing For “Spotlight 2”

Big Issues Print WTF June 2, 2021

In just three minutes, Ruffalo had successfully convinced Dunn to reprise his breakout role, once again portraying a slightly fictionalized version of himself in Spotlight: The Squeakquel.

New CAB Event: Hunt Your Own Dinner

Student Life WTF April 29, 2021

“I’ve always been, like, super into killing small animals, and it just feels so good to share my passions with the rest of the student body. The BC community is just so supportive, and I am so, so grateful to have this chance to absolutely impale rabbits and other small game with crudely sharpened sticks.”

LTE: I Love BC But Only Because Of Pink Tree And Tulip

LTE April 28, 2021

The only thing making me love this school is motherfucking landscape services man. How could you NOT love a school that has pink tree and tulip??????