The New England Classic
Students Go Rogue In Search Of “The Kirkwood Tickler”
After a semester with minimal incidents of the “Kirkwood Tickler” breaking and entering into off-campus homes, doubts are arising among Chestnut Hill residents that such a fiend actually exists. Because of this, a group of Boston College students gained school funding over winter break to begin their own Private... Read more
Odd-numbered Friend Group Struggles to Complete 8-man
As the housing lottery quickly approaches, the anxiety of freshmen across campus has spiked. Freshmen have the option of several housing arrangements on Lower Campus, namely the coveted 8-mans of Vanderslice Hall, 90 St. Thomas More, and Walsh Hall.  These palaces of debauchery and sweat represent the epitome of... Read more
Fr. Bill Leahy, SJ: “I’m the most badass president in Boston”

“We’re having school today, and I’m fucking amped about it. A little snow never hurt anyone.”

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BC Volunteer Organizations Strive for Top High School Recruits on National Signing Day
With National Signing Day season upon high school athletes everywhere, much of the usual will be going on in the so-called “War Rooms” of the Boston College Athletic Department: BC Football will be looking for someone who can make an extra point, BC hockey will be looking for some... Read more
Athlete Loses Backpack in Snow, Again
“God dammit, not again,” said baseball player and A&S ’16 communications major Alexander O’Neill while on his knees digging through the snow near Edmonds Hall, looking for his white backpack. “I swear I put it down here somewhere.” “I just put it down for like one minute, and then,... Read more
BC Women’s Hockey to Join Football Team; Jumps to #1 in AP Preseason Poll
In a move that shocks the #BeADude Movement, the undefeated Women’s hockey team has announced a merger into the BC Eagles football team for the upcoming 2015 Season. A spokesperson for the women’s team stated that they were “Tired of destroying everyone” and “Needed a new challenge to keep them... Read more
Students Agree: No Reason To Get Out Of Bed
On this brisk, glorious Sunday morning, Boston College students across campus have posed an important question: “why should we get out of bed?”. After brief discussion, all individuals have unanimously agreed that every moment spent out of the bed today will be “pretty pointless.” “Why should we get out... Read more
Letter of Condolences to the Victims and their Families at Charlie Hebdo
As fellow satirical writers, is not often that we take a moment and look at the world seriously, but in light of the events today, we felt obligated to address the horrific tragedy that occurred today in Paris.  We at The New England Classic would just like to send... Read more
Boston College Dummies’ Guide: Understanding Greek Life Terms
Winter break is a wonderful time for college students everywhere to meet up with old friends from back home. While you and your high school pals are catching up and sharing crazy stories over some ice-cold, refreshing bottles of Bud Light Platinum™, you might feel confused and alienated when... Read more
BCPD Stops Alleged “Die-In” Protest at 3:47am in Bapst
157 Boston College students are under investigation for staging a die-in protest in Bapst Library. Boston College, which recently punished students for harmlessly laying down and practicing their right to protest in St. Mary’s, has been on red alert lately. “We’re really keeping a vigilant eye out for inappropriate... Read more