“It’s Just the BC Throat Tickle” Says Senior Spewing Mucus In Devlin 008
DEVLIN HALL — A class of nearly 300 students was put at ease this Friday after their classmate announced that her violent cough was simply a case of the “BC Throat Tickle.” Ann Tivacks (CSOM ’22) assured her classmates in Devlin 008 that the wads of mucus spread throughout the lecture hall did not carry COVID-19.
“I tested negative two weeks ago,” said Tivacks, “This phlegm will probably transmit a cold, it may even give you something worse. But I assure you, it will not give you corona.”
Tivacks’ classmate, Johnson Johnson (CSON ’22), was skeptical about the validity of her claims. “Ann told me that she keeps getting ‘spam calls’ from an unknown Newton number, but she always hits decline,” he said. “She told me it was someone asking about her car’s extended warranty, but I’m not so sure.”
“I am vaccinated. There’s nothing to worry about,” Tivacks said with her fingers crossed behind her back.
Johnson reported that when he and Tivacks grabbed lunch together on Thursday, she arrived with a wheelbarrow of mulch. “She ate all of it,” Johnson said. “There had to have been at least 50 pounds of soil in there.”
When asked about the lunch, Tivacks said, “I don’t mind the taste. Plus, I can’t really smell. But not in a COVID-type way, in like a bad nose type way. I swear.”
At press time, multiple University Health Services officials were seen on Main Campus putting up “Wanted” posters with Tivacks’ name on them.