Freshman Unknowingly Brings Mom to “Freud 101”
MCGUINN HALL — Family Weekend is upon us here at Boston College. This means that the majority of the freshmen class has made the bold decision to bring their parents to classes, unaware that it is a totally lame thing to do. One particular weirdo, Ed Opus (MCAS ’25) asked his mother to accompany him to his introductory psychology course.
Opus told The Classic, “I was so excited to show my mom how well I’m acclimating to college courses. We’re super close and I knew she’d be proud of her little boy. When we got to class, we had to squeeze into the tight lecture hall seats. I don’t think we’ve been that physically close since I was five years old and breastfeeding.”
When Opus’s professor introduced Freud’s theory that a young boy has an unconscious sexual desire for his mother, things took an uncomfortable turn.
“It was pretty awkward. My heart started beating really fast and a pool of sweat gushed from my upper lip. I could feel the blood rush to my … face. All I could think about was how I shouldn’t have brought my mom to this class. This never would have happened in Courage to Know,” Opus explained.
The mommy’s boy goes on, “I obviously don’t have the hots for my mom. That would be so gross. I mean, she’s a beautiful lady. I’m not gonna deny it. And she does look really nice in those Banana Republic slacks she wore today, but that’s just me being observational. Some things are simply objective facts like how angelically my mom’s hair falls down her back. It’s totally okay for a son to just compliment his mom, right? Motherfucker, it was so awkward! No, no, not motherfucker! That was a Freudian slip, I swear.”
At press time, Opus was seen deeply resenting his father.