Hafley Personally Nurses Players Back To Health

ALUMNI STADIUM — Tragedy fell upon BC’s football team recently as star quarterback, Phil Jurkovec (MCAS ‘23), suffered a season-ending hand injury during the Eagles’ matchup against UMass. The injury dampened fans’ expectations for the 2021 season despite a Week 1 blowout win against Colgate, but prospects may be turning around after a surprise announcement from Coach Jeff Hafley on Thursday.

Adorned in maroon scrubs, Hafley addressed the Boston College community via Instagram Live late last night and committed himself to assuming personal responsibility for Jurkovec’s recovery. Hafley gently stirred chicken noodle soup as he declared the steps he would be taking to heal Jurkovec’s hand to thousands of viewers.

“From this point forward I will be spending all of my waking hours attending to the wants and needs of our sweet Jurkovec,” Hafley said, “The only thing I’m more committed to than raising my daughters and loving my wife is bringing Phil a cold compress.”

Fans have attempted to explain to Coach Hafley that home remedies for the common cold are not effective at healing a bum wrist, but he nevertheless insists on administering hourly kissies on Jurkovec’s booboo.

“I’m feeling better already!” shouted Jurkovec from Hafley’s guest bed. “I’ll be ready to go against Mizzou!”

At press time, Hafley was spotted at CVS loading up on Vicks VapoRub and yellow Gatorade, Jurkovec’s favorite.

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